A New Beginning
There are times in your life when you're looking for a new beginning, a fresh start.
Away from the past that has hurt you, going towards the future that you want. A renewal.
That's where I'm at right now. God knows I need it. By the end of this month, it would have been an eventful 30+ years. Too eventful. My experiences have aged me, beyond my years.
When I was younger, life was like a flight of stairs. You knew which step was coming next, when to time that step and knowing the upward direction you're taking. When I was 18, I was so very certain where I would be right now. Married, a good career, a lovely wife and 3 kids in a cosy home. I even had the girl sorted out. I had simple dreams. It looked achieveable.
But then, occasionally, life throws you a curve ball (or maybe a few curve balls). I'm successful, self-employed, striving to make this country a better place, divorced and living alone in a condo with minimal furniture. I've lost both my parents and my relationship with my siblings is like Isreali-Palestinian conflict - painful, traumatizing and prolonged.
No children, no commitments, not much to look forward to. No roots, no certainty as to where I'm going, nothing to ground me to this country that I so love. In some areas of my life I'm too ordinary and in some others, pretty extraordinary.
My flight of stairs is now an empty page, waiting to be written on. How do I feel about it? Excited, fearful, contempative of the road ahead, that is full of possibilities. I have a sense of destiny within me and others have told me so, but for now, it doesn't matter, if I don't get there. One step at a time - whatever Life has in store for me - it will come to me.
I've realized that in Life, you don't entirely have the choice to be who you want to be - Life plays its role too, in deciding who you will become. I've found that the trick is not to be unhappy about where you think you're not, but to be happy about where you are and to look forward to where you don't know yet, you will be.
It's not about control. It's about letting go. And living through what Life has to offer you.
Away from the past that has hurt you, going towards the future that you want. A renewal.
That's where I'm at right now. God knows I need it. By the end of this month, it would have been an eventful 30+ years. Too eventful. My experiences have aged me, beyond my years.
When I was younger, life was like a flight of stairs. You knew which step was coming next, when to time that step and knowing the upward direction you're taking. When I was 18, I was so very certain where I would be right now. Married, a good career, a lovely wife and 3 kids in a cosy home. I even had the girl sorted out. I had simple dreams. It looked achieveable.
But then, occasionally, life throws you a curve ball (or maybe a few curve balls). I'm successful, self-employed, striving to make this country a better place, divorced and living alone in a condo with minimal furniture. I've lost both my parents and my relationship with my siblings is like Isreali-Palestinian conflict - painful, traumatizing and prolonged.
No children, no commitments, not much to look forward to. No roots, no certainty as to where I'm going, nothing to ground me to this country that I so love. In some areas of my life I'm too ordinary and in some others, pretty extraordinary.
My flight of stairs is now an empty page, waiting to be written on. How do I feel about it? Excited, fearful, contempative of the road ahead, that is full of possibilities. I have a sense of destiny within me and others have told me so, but for now, it doesn't matter, if I don't get there. One step at a time - whatever Life has in store for me - it will come to me.
I've realized that in Life, you don't entirely have the choice to be who you want to be - Life plays its role too, in deciding who you will become. I've found that the trick is not to be unhappy about where you think you're not, but to be happy about where you are and to look forward to where you don't know yet, you will be.
It's not about control. It's about letting go. And living through what Life has to offer you.
posted by Stingrayz | 1:00 PM
2 Comments:
True, my dear Arysa. Perhaps, it's the overwhelming sense of sadness that has engulfed me in these last few years, that makes me realize the happiness that I don't have enough of.
But I count my blessings everyday. And you are amongst them. :)
Hey Nazrin dude..wassssupppppp!!!!
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