Aging Gracefully
An episode of Oprah's Prime Time which featured the Presley girls, Priscilla and Lisa Marie and their relationship with one another, really made me think the other night.
Oprah quoted a line from Kahlil Gibran that said "Your children are through you, not of you".
Pause a moment and reflect for a while. It's such a powerful line. It underlines that our children are our responsibility and trust, but yet, we don't own them.
They are not who we are - they are their own persons. We're here to help create them, feed and clothe them, teach and guide them and at best, most religions and cultures require them to respect us, in return.
Even affection has to be earned by effort, dedication and persuasion - it cannot be forced. And even more, if the favour is not reciprocated when we are old, there's not very much we can do about it.
Parenting is probably the most comprehensive and in-depth leadership role, that most adults will be saddled with. It requires a daily commitment to the child and his welfare, until the age at least, where he's able to legally fend for himself. Some parents draw the line at graduation and some draw the line at marriage.
After that, they consider their main responsibility of raising that child to be over. For some parents, this is the time for them to get to know their children as friends, to enjoy the luxury of spoiling the grandchildren, to taste the monetary contribution from their children or simply, to internalize on their own needs, in preparation for retirement, health in their old age and the next world.
You come into this world alone. You touch the lives of others. You live, you lead, you love, you experience joy and heartbreak and then you leave this world. Alone again.
I'm not quite sure what brought me down this train of thought.
Perhaps, because I'm feeling the age and life experience gap between me and the people I'm considering for life partners. Perhaps, it's because my heart breaks a little whenever I see a little girl with pony tails ,and I'm craving for a little daughter of my own.
Perhaps, because I'm wondering at which point would I be called "orang tua tak sedar diri" in nightspots and clubs, by people who are much younger than I. (God knows that I've done my fair share of calling people "orang tua tak sedar diri" in my younger days. Boomerang!)
There is, as Hugh Grant aptly put it, a point where it is not cool to be a swinging bachelor anymore. Perhaps, I'm ready for something more meaningful in my life, but am having problems taking the next step - finding the right person to be with, for the rest of my life. Perhaps, I'd like to do all of these things, before all the important body parts fall off! Haha!
Looking at the (formerly lovely) Priscilla Presley, one realizes that no amount of plastic surgery, will retain your youth. Done wrongly, you may be stuck with a permanent smile which makes you look like The Joker in Batman comics. She does look like that now, actually. Those who resist the effects of aging - beware!
All of us will age physically, some slower than others. Some will grow wiser, some will live, regret and continue living and some will reinforce lifetime beliefs, fears and prejudices, which stunt and wall them in - perhaps, if they're lucky, never knowing any better.
What's interesting, is that there's no way of measuring whether one life is better lived, than another. Every life compared to another, is an apple compared to an orange. Every life is unique.
There are only 2 definite measures, that matter - the objective one, done by the Almighty in the next world and the subjective one, which is one's own personal appraisal of one's life before one leaves this world - in most cases, that can only be done on hindsight. We reap what we sow and we can only we can tell in the final mile, whether we've done too much or not enough. Whether we've lived, drifted or copped-out.
It reminds me of an excerpt from the awesome book "Tuesdays with Morrie" - where when asked why people wished they were young again - the dying Morrie answered, "You know what that reflects? Unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven't found meaning. Because if you found meaning in your life, you don't want to go back, you want to go forward. You want to see more, do more. You can't wait until you're 65".
And in another part, Morrie said, "The truth is, part of me is every age. I'm a 3-year old, I'm a 5-year old, I'm a 37-year old and I'm a 50-year old. I've been through all of them and I know what it's like. I delight in being a child when it's appropriate to be a child. I delight in being a wise old man, when it's appropriate to be a wise old man. Think of all I can be! I am every age up to my own."
There's something in there from Morrie, for all of us to chew on. Perhaps, the secret of aging gracefully.
Oprah quoted a line from Kahlil Gibran that said "Your children are through you, not of you".
Pause a moment and reflect for a while. It's such a powerful line. It underlines that our children are our responsibility and trust, but yet, we don't own them.
They are not who we are - they are their own persons. We're here to help create them, feed and clothe them, teach and guide them and at best, most religions and cultures require them to respect us, in return.
Even affection has to be earned by effort, dedication and persuasion - it cannot be forced. And even more, if the favour is not reciprocated when we are old, there's not very much we can do about it.
Parenting is probably the most comprehensive and in-depth leadership role, that most adults will be saddled with. It requires a daily commitment to the child and his welfare, until the age at least, where he's able to legally fend for himself. Some parents draw the line at graduation and some draw the line at marriage.
After that, they consider their main responsibility of raising that child to be over. For some parents, this is the time for them to get to know their children as friends, to enjoy the luxury of spoiling the grandchildren, to taste the monetary contribution from their children or simply, to internalize on their own needs, in preparation for retirement, health in their old age and the next world.
You come into this world alone. You touch the lives of others. You live, you lead, you love, you experience joy and heartbreak and then you leave this world. Alone again.
I'm not quite sure what brought me down this train of thought.
Perhaps, because I'm feeling the age and life experience gap between me and the people I'm considering for life partners. Perhaps, it's because my heart breaks a little whenever I see a little girl with pony tails ,and I'm craving for a little daughter of my own.
Perhaps, because I'm wondering at which point would I be called "orang tua tak sedar diri" in nightspots and clubs, by people who are much younger than I. (God knows that I've done my fair share of calling people "orang tua tak sedar diri" in my younger days. Boomerang!)
There is, as Hugh Grant aptly put it, a point where it is not cool to be a swinging bachelor anymore. Perhaps, I'm ready for something more meaningful in my life, but am having problems taking the next step - finding the right person to be with, for the rest of my life. Perhaps, I'd like to do all of these things, before all the important body parts fall off! Haha!
Looking at the (formerly lovely) Priscilla Presley, one realizes that no amount of plastic surgery, will retain your youth. Done wrongly, you may be stuck with a permanent smile which makes you look like The Joker in Batman comics. She does look like that now, actually. Those who resist the effects of aging - beware!
All of us will age physically, some slower than others. Some will grow wiser, some will live, regret and continue living and some will reinforce lifetime beliefs, fears and prejudices, which stunt and wall them in - perhaps, if they're lucky, never knowing any better.
What's interesting, is that there's no way of measuring whether one life is better lived, than another. Every life compared to another, is an apple compared to an orange. Every life is unique.
There are only 2 definite measures, that matter - the objective one, done by the Almighty in the next world and the subjective one, which is one's own personal appraisal of one's life before one leaves this world - in most cases, that can only be done on hindsight. We reap what we sow and we can only we can tell in the final mile, whether we've done too much or not enough. Whether we've lived, drifted or copped-out.
It reminds me of an excerpt from the awesome book "Tuesdays with Morrie" - where when asked why people wished they were young again - the dying Morrie answered, "You know what that reflects? Unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven't found meaning. Because if you found meaning in your life, you don't want to go back, you want to go forward. You want to see more, do more. You can't wait until you're 65".
And in another part, Morrie said, "The truth is, part of me is every age. I'm a 3-year old, I'm a 5-year old, I'm a 37-year old and I'm a 50-year old. I've been through all of them and I know what it's like. I delight in being a child when it's appropriate to be a child. I delight in being a wise old man, when it's appropriate to be a wise old man. Think of all I can be! I am every age up to my own."
There's something in there from Morrie, for all of us to chew on. Perhaps, the secret of aging gracefully.
posted by Stingrayz | 10:45 AM
5 Comments:
I love Tuesdays With Morrie, but in the process of relocating, I forgot where I kept it. Sign that I'm getting older.. Sigh...
Hey Sharen. Glad to see that you have finally "relocated". Hope you're happier in the new place. :)
As for Morrie, you can lose the book but you should never lose the lessons from it. There's some real pearls of wisdom in that book. :)
"Perhaps, because I'm feeling the age and life experience gap between me and the people I'm considering for life partners. Perhaps, it's because my heart breaks a little whenever I see a little girl with pony tails ,and I'm craving for a little daughter of my own."
I take it the pinch is felt, when you're at the stage of your life where you thought everything will fall into place, only to discover that not everything has.
Definitely, Voice. Sometimes, you're amazed at the route you've taken in life, as opposed to the road you've imagined you'd have taken, when you were a bit younger.
I have no regrets as to the path I took, but sometimes, I wonder whether the price of being me, comes at the cost of my happiness.
I hope not.
I've put in my latest entry, that happiness should be influenced more by our own state of minds and internal strength, rather than external influences. And I further discover that the personal strength is hard to draw if we rely on other human beings as the source. I believe that this is where our faith in God comes into the picture. We are created to perform Ibadah to Him,and He values us by the level of our Taqwa to Him. My personal take on this is, He knows us best because we are His creation after all, and we need Him. By submitting to Him, we're fulfilling the nature of our existence. It's a natural cycle.
But I digress.
Ray, if you feel that your happiness is compromised by "being you", as you put it, perhaps it's not a bad idea to redefine who "you" are.
The past is done, and the future is unknown. I'm glad that you have no regrets over paths you have taken, because regrets deter your life even worse. But you can ensure a better future if you try your best in the present.
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