The Strength of A Woman/Good Enough

We were in a car, heading towards her dad's place to pick up her half-sister - to bring her to the hospital.

Her father was down with some urinary tract and bladder problems and had just gone through a major surgery.

She looked tired - her previous nights had been spent rushing him to the hospital, dealing with the tantrums of her children, suffering from lack of sleep, snapping at the the nurses who handled her father like a gunny sack, tolerating her unsympathetic and unsupportive ex-husband and dealing with several other emotional issues, which she quietly keeps inside.

The phone rang. It was one of her children, the younger boy. He was crying and sobbing on the phone - obviously unhappy at something the father had done.

She was driving and I could hear her tone of voice soften, gently soothing the child and patiently telling him to calm down. Repeatedly expressing how much she loves him, to reassure him and asking him to relate to her, what was bothering the emotional 3-year old.

I sensed a note of worry and concern in her voice - a part of her was afraid, at how the children were being treated by their father - her ex-husband. He could be a bit temperamental when tired. On top of that, the father never understood how to handle the younger boy - in her words "taking the little boy head on, is a losing equation - because he has so much more energy than you".

Only mothers can make that much sense, when dealing with children.

But she had no choice - she had to sleep over at the hospital to ensure that the nurses were not doing further damage to her father and to leave her children, at their father's place.

Managing young children in a divorced family can be a pretty tricky business - if it's not done well, you'll be unleashing traumatized adults into the world, who never quite get over the trust issues. God knows, I've had more than my fair share of encounters with them.

She hated her job and hated her idiotic boss even more, her father's in a hospital, her current romantic relationship is in some form of limbo and she's going through an emotionally trying time, she's having a hard time with her ex-husband and she's physically half-exhausted, at least. It was obvious that she hasn't had very much sleep, in the last few nights.

And yet, she patiently consoles her child on the phone - putting his needs above her own, reasoning with him and telling him that things will be better.

And at that time - all I could do was be amazed, at the strength of this woman. No matter what came her way and no matter how tired she was, she didn't buckle. And she always gave her best, to her children.

How strong this woman is, I thought to myself. How resilient and giving and enduring her love. How fortunate those who were lucky enough to receive it.

But no matter how much I used to or still feel for her, I guess I will never be that lucky. Or be good enough to receive it, no matter how hard I strived. Love conceals all the imperfections of the beloved and denies all others into the heart, regardless of the tireless efforts of the labourer of love.

The presence of love, makes you good enough. The absence of love, denies you the benchmark forever. It's not about how hard you try, sometimes.

And it's time I faced the facts,...and move on.