The Scientific Explanation for Irrationality

Whenever I have to draft a legal document, I run into a mental block. This was the reason I never became a practising lawyer. I hate drafting documents which have no numbers on them.

So, I'm going to blog a while, to clear my mind. And by the time I'm done with this entry, my mental block should be cleared and the words for the legal documentation should flow down to paper, as easily as writing this blog.

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Here's something from Dr. Harville Hendrix, a relationship therapist, giving a scientific explanation for the phenomenon of "Opposites Attract" (a.k.a. to some of us, as why girls fall for sons-out-of-wedlock and why guys fall for female dogs) ;):

"When we fall in love we feel whole again, for in our beloved, for in our beloved we annex the qualities dormant and missing in ourselves.

But it's not luck - there is method to this madness. Just as partners are attracted to each other on the basis of their symmetrical wounding on the developmental scale, they are also attracted on the basis of their complementary adaptations to the socialization process".


Does that sound Greek to you?

Okay, here's a translation (also by Dr. Hendrix):

"Nature is up to her old tricks again, easing us into a relationship that has the potential to heal our wounds. With sly wisdom, it pairs you with an incompatible partner to create the chemistry for growth."

Interesting. (Now, I have a scientific excuse for my rather tragic preferences in women. ;))

And Dr. Hendrix continues:

"Chances are that the people you are drawn to and admire possess qualities that you long for or that were dismissed or disdained in your home. If you get close to such people, you feel good about yourself, more complete, through the association.

You never cry at the movies, perhaps, but you love to go with your friend who sobs through the sentimental scenes. You may love to laugh and dance, but find yourself drawn to dating partners with logical, buttoned-down minds".


Actually, this would explain a lot of friendships, too (like why an outstanding moral citizen like ZR, hangs around with me, perhaps ;))

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If I had to name 3 things that were "dismissed and disdained" in my home during my growing-up years, it would be the following:

a) Open displays of affection and emotional tenderness, verbally or physically;

b) People who did not conform or perform to society's norms and expectations in an academic, status, marital, financial or material sense (publicly or privately). Or people who value contribution above self; and

c) Strong Malay women who have an opinion on issues and sometimes, are willing to speak their minds in public.


Based on that brief analysis - it would explain a lot, about the women I tend to fall for. They break the mould - they're cultural non-conformists, publicly or privately, both good or bad. And almost always, they've had a difficult and tenuous relationship with at least, one parent.

I have a thing for women that don't walk the line. The nutjobs, as Dina would say it. At least, now I have a scientific justification for it. ;)

Yeah, right!

(Note to self: Forget reading Freud or other psychologists. Get into a psychiatrist's chair and get treatment. Brainwash self into admiring good, dependable conformists)