On Being Needed and Wanted
There is a major difference in being needed and being wanted.
Today, I pondered on whether the distinction really mattered to me. In most areas of my life, it's good enough to be needed - for people to acknowledge that my presence makes a difference - that I'm the right solution to the right problem. Or maybe just a problem, any problem.
Sometimes, you grow so accustomed to that - that it becomes good enough to be needed and you can't seem to distinguish anymore between that and the feeling of being wanted - truly wanted for who you are. And you start feeling like maybe being needed, is just as good as being wanted.
But no it's not, really. It's nowhere near, as good - and if you can even remotely remember what it feels like to be wanted and how good that is - you might not settle for just being needed, as and when the need arises.
Because as a close friend said - being wanted implies that a person chose to be there with you, not because circumstances has somewhat forced him to do so. Being wanted, means the other person is there for you because you're just as important as he is, if not more.
And if you can remember - being wanted by someone you want - is the most divine feeling in the world. It's the choice - the commitment and willingness behind the choice - that makes it all so sweet.
It's nice to want someone who needs you - but it's best to not settle for any less than a person who equally wants you, as much as you want her. When she drags her feet on small, simple but thoughtful things and gestures - she probably doesn't want you.
Settling is not just about not choosing your 2nd choices - it's also about not letting yourself be the 2nd choice for others.
There is no equal measure in treatment either in friendships or relationships - but you can always tell when a person thinks about more than just himself or herself - and bothers to be equitably fair and thoughtful to you, without being asked to do so. You can tell. The signs are telling and all there.
Yes, I'm okay with being needed - but I realized today, how much more I'd rather be wanted.
Because gratitude and obligation will never rival desire and sincerity, in the sweetness and fervour of reciprocity. Never.
Love others. Love yourself. Love others who love you, in return. Get what you deserve.
The message is blinking, like broken traffic lights in my mind.
Today, I pondered on whether the distinction really mattered to me. In most areas of my life, it's good enough to be needed - for people to acknowledge that my presence makes a difference - that I'm the right solution to the right problem. Or maybe just a problem, any problem.
Sometimes, you grow so accustomed to that - that it becomes good enough to be needed and you can't seem to distinguish anymore between that and the feeling of being wanted - truly wanted for who you are. And you start feeling like maybe being needed, is just as good as being wanted.
But no it's not, really. It's nowhere near, as good - and if you can even remotely remember what it feels like to be wanted and how good that is - you might not settle for just being needed, as and when the need arises.
Because as a close friend said - being wanted implies that a person chose to be there with you, not because circumstances has somewhat forced him to do so. Being wanted, means the other person is there for you because you're just as important as he is, if not more.
And if you can remember - being wanted by someone you want - is the most divine feeling in the world. It's the choice - the commitment and willingness behind the choice - that makes it all so sweet.
It's nice to want someone who needs you - but it's best to not settle for any less than a person who equally wants you, as much as you want her. When she drags her feet on small, simple but thoughtful things and gestures - she probably doesn't want you.
Settling is not just about not choosing your 2nd choices - it's also about not letting yourself be the 2nd choice for others.
There is no equal measure in treatment either in friendships or relationships - but you can always tell when a person thinks about more than just himself or herself - and bothers to be equitably fair and thoughtful to you, without being asked to do so. You can tell. The signs are telling and all there.
Yes, I'm okay with being needed - but I realized today, how much more I'd rather be wanted.
Because gratitude and obligation will never rival desire and sincerity, in the sweetness and fervour of reciprocity. Never.
Love others. Love yourself. Love others who love you, in return. Get what you deserve.
The message is blinking, like broken traffic lights in my mind.
posted by Stingrayz | 11:19 AM
1 Comments:
on a professional level, being needed surpasses being wanted by miles. the image of a project gone awry just because you are not there is like a coccaine to an addict. you finally know that your presence make sense.
but on a personal level, being wanted is so much more. it's a question of choice - she/he has a choice and he/she chooses you. it's not just that your presence make sense, it is now justified, you didnt win by default.
but also, there is being needed and there is being needed. i want to be so wanted that i am needed.
does that make any sense?
:))
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