Mum's Kuah Kacang
The first day of Raya without Mum was hard. But I survived it.
I woke up extra early this morning, just to catch Raya prayers. Walked with my step-father, Bapak, and my step uncle, Pak Ali, to the Regent's Ville mosque. The dome of the mosque gleamed in the morning sunlight, like a monument from the Lord of the Rings.
It's hard to believe that the place where they built the mosque used to be an abandoned skating rink, where I grew up playing football, for at least 8 years of my life. There's a part of me that would like to believe that our teenage football team brought good luck to that abandoned piece of land.
Yeah, right.
Something odd happened before the Raya prayers this year, though.
Datuk Zed, a former senior civil servant who had never quite let go of the fact that he's not in power anymore, started giving a speech about how to strengthen the Muslim economy and how Regent's Ville folks should show solidarity and buy from the Kedai Koperasi set up by the mosque committee.
Forget the fact that the Koperasi's range of products is poor, not competitively priced and handled by shopkeepers, who can't spell the word service. Nope - according to Dato' Zed, if you're not buying from the Koperasi, you're not helping to strengthen the Muslim community in Regent's Ville. He even used scare tactics about how the likes of Suqiu will take over the country, unless the Muslim community stands together.
What hogwash. Thank God the speech ended after 30 minutes and Raya prayers began. This was not the time and place for politically-slanted talk. It was ruining the pagi Raya mood.
Met some old friends and some friends of the family too. Raya is always a great time for a reunion and catching up with people you haven't seen for a while. Mum's friends expressed how different the morning felt without her presence at the mosque. I suppressed a tear, from trickling out. Must put up a strong front. But then again, all these women have known me, since I was but a toddler. They could see right through me. I wasn't fooling anyone.
I walked home with Pak Ali from the mosque. Bapak did his usual pagi Raya routine of going to the Imam's house first, along with a whole bunch of golden-agers. I dreaded the feeling I was gonna get at home, though not knowing exactly what it would be. Would I feel Mum's loss greatly?
One major difference was that Mum's fantastic kuah kacang nasi impit and her landmark nasi dagang was not gonna be home waiting for me, as in previous years. I felt a lump in my throat - this is gonna be bad. It's so different without her, in our lives.
As I sat down at the family dining table, I took the nasi impit and scooped the kuah kacang which looked amazingly, just like the one that Mum used to prepare. I couldn't help thinking; could Kak have learnt up the recipe before the old lady had passed on?
I tasted it and savoured the sweetness of the kuah kacang. It was exactly the same!
As if to pre-empt my question, Kak said, "Mum prepared that before she was hospitalised in August. She wanted to make sure that we could taste her kuah kacang on pagi Raya. She prepared that when she could hardly walk".
A few tears streaked down my cheeks. I was tasting Mum's kuah kacang on pagi Raya - close to 3 months, after her death. Maybe she wasn't with us this morning - but the labour of her love for us, was.
I love you, Mum. May God bless your beautiful soul. Al-fatihah.
I woke up extra early this morning, just to catch Raya prayers. Walked with my step-father, Bapak, and my step uncle, Pak Ali, to the Regent's Ville mosque. The dome of the mosque gleamed in the morning sunlight, like a monument from the Lord of the Rings.
It's hard to believe that the place where they built the mosque used to be an abandoned skating rink, where I grew up playing football, for at least 8 years of my life. There's a part of me that would like to believe that our teenage football team brought good luck to that abandoned piece of land.
Yeah, right.
Something odd happened before the Raya prayers this year, though.
Datuk Zed, a former senior civil servant who had never quite let go of the fact that he's not in power anymore, started giving a speech about how to strengthen the Muslim economy and how Regent's Ville folks should show solidarity and buy from the Kedai Koperasi set up by the mosque committee.
Forget the fact that the Koperasi's range of products is poor, not competitively priced and handled by shopkeepers, who can't spell the word service. Nope - according to Dato' Zed, if you're not buying from the Koperasi, you're not helping to strengthen the Muslim community in Regent's Ville. He even used scare tactics about how the likes of Suqiu will take over the country, unless the Muslim community stands together.
What hogwash. Thank God the speech ended after 30 minutes and Raya prayers began. This was not the time and place for politically-slanted talk. It was ruining the pagi Raya mood.
Met some old friends and some friends of the family too. Raya is always a great time for a reunion and catching up with people you haven't seen for a while. Mum's friends expressed how different the morning felt without her presence at the mosque. I suppressed a tear, from trickling out. Must put up a strong front. But then again, all these women have known me, since I was but a toddler. They could see right through me. I wasn't fooling anyone.
I walked home with Pak Ali from the mosque. Bapak did his usual pagi Raya routine of going to the Imam's house first, along with a whole bunch of golden-agers. I dreaded the feeling I was gonna get at home, though not knowing exactly what it would be. Would I feel Mum's loss greatly?
One major difference was that Mum's fantastic kuah kacang nasi impit and her landmark nasi dagang was not gonna be home waiting for me, as in previous years. I felt a lump in my throat - this is gonna be bad. It's so different without her, in our lives.
As I sat down at the family dining table, I took the nasi impit and scooped the kuah kacang which looked amazingly, just like the one that Mum used to prepare. I couldn't help thinking; could Kak have learnt up the recipe before the old lady had passed on?
I tasted it and savoured the sweetness of the kuah kacang. It was exactly the same!
As if to pre-empt my question, Kak said, "Mum prepared that before she was hospitalised in August. She wanted to make sure that we could taste her kuah kacang on pagi Raya. She prepared that when she could hardly walk".
A few tears streaked down my cheeks. I was tasting Mum's kuah kacang on pagi Raya - close to 3 months, after her death. Maybe she wasn't with us this morning - but the labour of her love for us, was.
I love you, Mum. May God bless your beautiful soul. Al-fatihah.
posted by Stingrayz | 3:34 AM
3 Comments:
Sorry to hear about your mum. When I read the kuah kacang part, I was moved. Mums are always thinking about their family. It made me think of my mum, coz even though she was a bit sick, she made sure the preparation for Deepavali went well. Hope you had a nice holiday.
Selamat Hari Raya
PS: I came here from annot8.najahnaserri.org
A mother's love is undescribable, isn't it?
Sometimes I look at my own mother, and wonder at her herculean strength in facing the thicks and thins of life.
Will I be able to be like her when I become a mother myself?
And with this, I pray I would be an equally good, if not better, mother when my time comes. And I am thankful that I was born a woman, so I could have a chance to find out. InsyaAllah.
Al-Fatihah to your mother.
Bawang Merah: Thanks for the Raya wish and Happy Deepavali to you. Yes, Mums are great and you should really cherish yours while she's still around. Anything that you want to do or say, say it today. Life is much too short.
Voice: Glad you're back dear. :) Yes, you're lucky that you will get to be that special being that I will never get to be - a mother. And to know what it's like to love without limits.
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