It's Not Mine
A living room.
4 ladies - a mother and auntie, a lovely daughter and 2 nieces. A man, not related to them, but there by invitation. From the girl that he seems to have fallen for.
They were all Kelantanese and there's something about the dialect that bonds people together. The wit, the honesty, the blunt remarks, the dry sarcasm. Jokes and laughter all round.
She wasn't my mother, but this is the closest bond I've felt that I've felt with an elder Malay lady, in a long while. Her 2 nieces were not my cousins, but their warmth and receptiveness to me, defied distance and family lines.
This girl on my shoulder is not my wife/girlfriend, but for all her flirtations and warm displays of affection, she might as well, have been. And everyone else, seems to treat us, like an item - like an unspoken understanding.
Shared cake, cookies and apple juice - we ate like a couple - like newlyweds.
And I guess it helped that I've fallen for her. If only I'd care to admit how much, to myself.
There were approval and acceptance. I was not in my home or within the confines of my family circle - but the familiarity and warmth of it all, made me feel at home. They were down to earth and unpretentious.
She was not someone that hid me from the rest of the world. She opened up her world to me - in the last few days, I've met her mother, her father, her siblings and her cousins. I felt welcomed.
And it felt good. This was exactly what I was looking for.
Family. Warmth. Acceptance. And Love.
I got comfortable, suddenly feeling, that I wanted the moment to last.
And then I reminded myself - this is not my family, this is not my home and this girl whom I love is not my wife/girlfriend. In fact, aside from her conflicting signals and actions, I have no verbal confirmation that she feels as intensely as I do about her, although there are indications.
This whole thing could be temporary, so don't get too attached. That's my mind, talking. That's the rational side, taking over.
This is not my home. This is not my family. This is not my girl.
I was happy, but I had to remind myself to keep a certain level of detachment from getting used to this joy, I felt inside.
Enjoy the moment, take it as a glimpse of heaven's window and always be prepared to lose everything, that I feel now.
Because it's not mine. And because in the larger scheme of things, I'm not irreplaceable. Tomorrow, her head could be on someone else's shoulders.
After all, she's not mine. And she may never be.
4 ladies - a mother and auntie, a lovely daughter and 2 nieces. A man, not related to them, but there by invitation. From the girl that he seems to have fallen for.
They were all Kelantanese and there's something about the dialect that bonds people together. The wit, the honesty, the blunt remarks, the dry sarcasm. Jokes and laughter all round.
She wasn't my mother, but this is the closest bond I've felt that I've felt with an elder Malay lady, in a long while. Her 2 nieces were not my cousins, but their warmth and receptiveness to me, defied distance and family lines.
This girl on my shoulder is not my wife/girlfriend, but for all her flirtations and warm displays of affection, she might as well, have been. And everyone else, seems to treat us, like an item - like an unspoken understanding.
Shared cake, cookies and apple juice - we ate like a couple - like newlyweds.
And I guess it helped that I've fallen for her. If only I'd care to admit how much, to myself.
There were approval and acceptance. I was not in my home or within the confines of my family circle - but the familiarity and warmth of it all, made me feel at home. They were down to earth and unpretentious.
She was not someone that hid me from the rest of the world. She opened up her world to me - in the last few days, I've met her mother, her father, her siblings and her cousins. I felt welcomed.
And it felt good. This was exactly what I was looking for.
Family. Warmth. Acceptance. And Love.
I got comfortable, suddenly feeling, that I wanted the moment to last.
And then I reminded myself - this is not my family, this is not my home and this girl whom I love is not my wife/girlfriend. In fact, aside from her conflicting signals and actions, I have no verbal confirmation that she feels as intensely as I do about her, although there are indications.
This whole thing could be temporary, so don't get too attached. That's my mind, talking. That's the rational side, taking over.
This is not my home. This is not my family. This is not my girl.
I was happy, but I had to remind myself to keep a certain level of detachment from getting used to this joy, I felt inside.
Enjoy the moment, take it as a glimpse of heaven's window and always be prepared to lose everything, that I feel now.
Because it's not mine. And because in the larger scheme of things, I'm not irreplaceable. Tomorrow, her head could be on someone else's shoulders.
After all, she's not mine. And she may never be.
posted by Stingrayz | 11:02 AM
14 Comments:
weiii go and ask her la weiii... take some of your own medicine porah chit...
"better to have love and lost rather than not love at all..."
duuude she's flirting with you in front of her mother...what bigger signals do you want?
hey..take it easy dude. yeaa..she flirt with u..she flirt with u!
anyway, happy eid. enjoy.
It's not that hard to ask, right? Is there another pair of invisible arms around her that prevents her from becoming yours?
Take your own time, but do not let that practical preparedness to lose everything tomorrow, stops you from trying to gain everything today. Sure we prepare for the worst, but don't we hope for the best?
Remember what I did with you. I sure didn't get what I want, but I don't lose you after that, kan? :)
Live your dreams!
ray, if there is any chance at all at this, you should take it, rather than live your life thinking "if only I had...". You owe it to yourself. Go for it!
As a girl, she's just waiting to nod when you ask. So, just ask. AT least, you know for sure how she feels about you instead of just guessing.
You won't regret asking her. One way or the other. Go for it!
Rizal:
You know me better than that. :)
Leen:
I'd tell you, but it seems too explicit and steamy to desribe for the fasting month. ;)
Sooz:
Happy Eid to you too.
Voice:
It's complicated (it always seems to be, with me) ;)
Lita:
I've never had a what-if situation in my life. It'd be nice to have a first one. :)
Minamona:
If "it" means another possible heartbreak if I leap into it - the answer is YES. ;)
Pseudonymous:
Have tried that approach before. The libido always leads to a place that the heart would regret, with someone whose (possibly) out of reach.
Living My Dream:
First, welcome to the blog!
Secondly, I can't believe we sorta share almost the same name under blogspot. :)
Thirdly, it's complicated. I don't think she's just waiting to nod, upon my proposal.
It's complicated.
Whether it's possible or not, I will leave it to God and Fate. Anything that's meant to be yours, will not escape you.
If not, well,....
For now, I'm living in the moment. Because it's good enough for now. And having hopes, only mars the moment.
dood.. just pass me her number.. i'll simply ask her for u.. haiya.. problem solved.. no more mystery..
err.. hopefully Toh Puan P doesn't think i'm doing something else.. hehehe..
Tun P
JD:
Passing a girl's number to you, bro', is the equivalent of passing a nuclear warhead to the Taliban. ;)
No worries-lah. I'm content to live with the mystery for a while. A little time will clear everything.
I think. God willing.
she did what??? head on your shoulder in front of her MOM????? itu sudah green light.. apa lagi mau tunggu brader?
Pink Fins:
It's complicated. Sometimes, green light doesn't always mean go. :)
I just want to be really sure that it's not yellow light that I'm seeing. Know what I mean?
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
aiyoooyoo.. dear everyone.. i think if we all chipped in a few bucks.. we can get our dear friend here to get his eyes checked for colour blindness.. hehehe..
weii.. Karaoke tak ajak!! ;)
The problem is worse than colour blindness. I think I'm at the stage of Ray Charles singing the blues, on piano. ;)
Aiyaaa, JD, I never knew you liked karaoke, maaaa. Ok, next time, you will be on my invite list together with Datin P. :)
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