Rules of Engagement
I've met more than my fair share of people that do not understand the fundamental rules of engagement, in a friendship.
The first rule to observe, is that you need to communicate with your friends. If you don't communicate, people may misinterpret your actions/inactions. How much you communicate is up to you - but you need to communicate, to keep the harmony of the friendship. Don't just go silent, without them knowing why.
Especially, if something offends you or where you may have offended others. Most people are not mindreaders.
The second rule is - don't blow hot and cold. Be consistent in your treatment of people. Don't be Dr. Jekyll today and Mr. Hyde tomorrow, on a flick of an emotional switch. Inconsistent treatment purely on a whim, makes you look erratic and inconsiderate. Your friends are not your emotional punching bags.
The third rule is - don't let your friends down when they're counting on you, especially on things which are important to them. Keep your promises as far as you can and don't sideline them, just because you're self-centered. Your word is your bond, in the moments that count.
And don't measure how you treat your friends, by how badly the world treats you. That's not the correct measure. One religion in particular, reminds you that your faith is incomplete until you learn to love your friends, like you love yourself.
The fourth rule is - always know when to say sorry. An arrogant streak and never admitting that you're wrong brings you nowhere, for as Saidina Ali once said: "The loneliest of solitude is conceit".
The fifth rule is - friendship is a reciprocal commitment. And if you expect others to be there in your times of need, you should be there in their times of need. They don't get paid to be there for you - they're doing it out of their love and care for you. Like in most things, you only get what you give.
In future, I want to meet fewer people who do not understand these basic rules of friendship. I want to meet fewer schizophrenics, fewer self-centered people and fewer people who just don't know how to care and reciprocate, in a friendship.
I'm getting too old to tolerate this sort of nonsense. And my compassion and streak for giving the benefit of the doubt to others, are wearing thin.
Whatever your problems and grief are, the rest of the world is still moving. And you have no right to be rude and impolite to others, who are not responsible for that grief. You still have the responsibility to do right, by others.
If you don't understand these basic rules yet - learn. Belajarlah berkawan - life is not all about lost lovers and material gain.
Ramadhan, give me patience!
The first rule to observe, is that you need to communicate with your friends. If you don't communicate, people may misinterpret your actions/inactions. How much you communicate is up to you - but you need to communicate, to keep the harmony of the friendship. Don't just go silent, without them knowing why.
Especially, if something offends you or where you may have offended others. Most people are not mindreaders.
The second rule is - don't blow hot and cold. Be consistent in your treatment of people. Don't be Dr. Jekyll today and Mr. Hyde tomorrow, on a flick of an emotional switch. Inconsistent treatment purely on a whim, makes you look erratic and inconsiderate. Your friends are not your emotional punching bags.
The third rule is - don't let your friends down when they're counting on you, especially on things which are important to them. Keep your promises as far as you can and don't sideline them, just because you're self-centered. Your word is your bond, in the moments that count.
And don't measure how you treat your friends, by how badly the world treats you. That's not the correct measure. One religion in particular, reminds you that your faith is incomplete until you learn to love your friends, like you love yourself.
The fourth rule is - always know when to say sorry. An arrogant streak and never admitting that you're wrong brings you nowhere, for as Saidina Ali once said: "The loneliest of solitude is conceit".
The fifth rule is - friendship is a reciprocal commitment. And if you expect others to be there in your times of need, you should be there in their times of need. They don't get paid to be there for you - they're doing it out of their love and care for you. Like in most things, you only get what you give.
In future, I want to meet fewer people who do not understand these basic rules of friendship. I want to meet fewer schizophrenics, fewer self-centered people and fewer people who just don't know how to care and reciprocate, in a friendship.
I'm getting too old to tolerate this sort of nonsense. And my compassion and streak for giving the benefit of the doubt to others, are wearing thin.
Whatever your problems and grief are, the rest of the world is still moving. And you have no right to be rude and impolite to others, who are not responsible for that grief. You still have the responsibility to do right, by others.
If you don't understand these basic rules yet - learn. Belajarlah berkawan - life is not all about lost lovers and material gain.
Ramadhan, give me patience!
posted by Stingrayz | 6:39 AM
6 Comments:
Amazing - a man who propagates communication! Sabarlah dong...we all have to learn and fall along the way to achieve the ideal state of friendship.
Elina dear:
Communication was started by a man.
Was it not Adam that requested for Hawa, so that he would have a companion to communicate with? ;)
But on a more serious note, I don't feel like I'm asking for the ideal state of friendship.
I think some of the things I mentioned, are the bare bones of a healthy friendship, between people. Anything less - and you're inviting conflict.
But yes, I agree with you that we all have to fall and learn, to make it better. If we bother to learn and improve, that is.
Hi,
Just discovered yr blog. After reading 2 months of yr archive, think we have a lot in common but different is the gender. :-)
Totally agree on what is written in this post. I learned this the hard way and a long time ago.
So now the friends that I communicate regularly with, are the ones that I treasure. I dont care if my friends 'boleh dibilang dengan jari'.
I think lama-lama nanti, you couldnt be bothered with this kind of friends.
I used to be very patient with people. Some friends would only call when they needed something, after a while, you lose patience, especially when it comes to their turn to reciprocate. But I used to be very patient and often reminded myself that whatever I did for them should be sincere, and it's up to them whether they wanted to return the favour.
Yes, that made me a doormat. After a while, I got older and less patient. I'd confront them, because maybe it's not their fault - some people, including me, don't realise how we are and need a little reminder once in a while. If symptoms persists, then I leave. It might be selfish, but I realised that if I didn't look after myself, no one else will.
Friendships are like any relationship. You invest your emotions and your time. You invest your heart. We often forget this when we let so-called friends run us over - if we can be so vigilant when it comes to romantic relationships, why is it so hard to do the same for our friendships?
Pseudonym0us:
The only way you would look like a geriatric, is if you start wearing Gandhi sandals. ;)
Thinktankgal:
Yes, we are old, dear. Are you looking for Bapak Kucing? ;)
Anonymous:
Welcome to the blog! Yes, better to have a few good friends, than many lousy acquaintances. :)
Najah:
Good point about taking care of oneself. That's something I have to learn from you.
Often, my optimism in human nature is well beyond, what they deserve. Increasingly, I'm finding that nice people are hard to come by.
Zsarina:
Hey, good to see you on the blog again. :) Welcome back!
But yes, I do understand. Am finding that the circle of "sehidup semati" friends is very small.
But perhaps that group is meant to be small, for it to be meaningful. And these are the people, we should cherish.
Normal friends come from a bigger group and acquaintances form a bigger number.
And the distance gets further as the numbers get bigger, I guess.
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