When October Goes,....

Yes, October is finally here.

As I'm writing this, I've got Barry Manilow's classic of "When October Goes" playing in the background, on DVD. The lyrics were written by the late Johnny Mercer (the great lyricist that wrote many of Sinatra's classics) and was passed by Mercer's widow to Manilow - and this beautiful tune was born.

Not that any of this relevant. Heh. I'm just fond of useless facts, like that - being the history buff that I am. :)

October brings mixed feelings.

Ramadhan is around the corner and it's a time of reflection and I'm aiming to improve my tarawih track record this year - which should not be hard, considering my dismal attendance, last year. And I wish for Raya this year to be better - even though this is the second year we'll be embracing Syawal without Mum.

This blog will be one year old soon - I can't believe that I've been blogging for that long. It feels like I've just started, yesterday. But one thing is not in doubt, it's been an essential part of retaining my sanity.

I'm thankful for the friends, readers, input and support that I've received in the past year - all the opinions expressed have been valuable to me, regardless of whether I've agreed or disagreed with them.

And of course, at the end of the month - I will turn 32. *Sigh*

It's not (that) old, but I do feel old and "halfway through", as Acat would say it. (based on the general life expectancy of Malaysian males in their 60's). I hope to live a lot longer than that - at least enough time and health for me to do an "Azmi Khalid" - marry a hot TV personality , if I'm still single in my 60's. ;)

When I was younger, 32 was the benchmarking point, for a lot of my life targets. Now that I'm here - the results are mixed. I'm so off the mark on some of the matrimonial and family parts, but I couldn't be happier with some other areas of my life.

Some of the crucial decisions I made in the last 5 years or so, are crucial to me, being where I am today. But I'm glad I took the leap out from the traditional rat race and for all its up and downs, it has been a truly enriching experience.

It has been better for me and where possible, on a national scale, I've made things better for some enterprising Malaysians in my industry, too. It's always fulfilling to see the entrepreneurs who have succeeded from The Program or who have benefited from our efforts in The NGO. A sincere word of thanks and appreciation from any of these "graduates", always means a lot to me.

The last 5 years have been some of the toughest, intense and most meaningful growth years, for me. I've lived my life according to how I dreamed and yes, though there are regrets, they are very few and far in between. And I'm thankful to God, for where I am. There's a time and place for everything under the sun and I'm relatively happy with where I am, now - despite all the tough emotional knocks.

I'm happy with where my business venture is (we filed our first technology patent today, for our product - yeayyy!) and the next 2-3 years, should prove to be some of the most exciting for the business. I look forward to a period of rapid growth, InsyaAllah and may we achieve my dream of going regional in 5 years.

On the national contribution front, I'm hoping to step out from the shadow of the oldies. Over the past few years, I've deliberately stayed in the background - because in Malaysia - people are generally suspicious if you're a young person trying to change the system (KJ being a prime example).

As much as I abhor this seniority-based "wait for your turn" culture, but as a history buff, I acknowledge the importance of timing one's steps and that credibility and contribution, is something that one builds over time. It cannot be rushed, lest it invite a horrid backlash. Let your work and results speak for you (and when you're older, your age too) and the rest will handle itself.

Leadership and responsibility is something that should come to you, via merit, without you having to clamour for it. I'm a traditionalist in that way - I believe that destiny happens to you, if you are meant for it. If you are the right person at the right time, fighting the right cause and fulfilling a need.

Learn from the lessons of Musa Hitam, Tengku Razaleigh, Ghazali Shafie and Anwar Ibrahim - accept that talent will only bring you to the level where you're meant to be, not necessarily where you want to be. Only God is All-Knowing and the reasons for such things.

Otherwise, be thankful and happy with what you're meant for - because leadership and responsibility of others, is actually a burden. And something that we will be held accountable for, in the next world.

But at 32, I feel that I'm not (too) young anymore - especially in a country where 65% of the country, is below 40. It's time to step out of the shadows and play a bigger part, make a bigger impact and not be hesitant to be a part of the "frontliners". I'm not an impatient young man, anymore - now, I'm just going to be impatient. :)

The next "benchmarking point" will be in 5 years, at 37. And by that time, I pray for a mixture of business and financial success, to be happily married with 1-2 kids (hopefully) and to make a bigger impact on the national contribution front. It's not necessarily a target - I know better, than to do that - it's just a wish list. I'll do my best and see what life has in store, for me.

Whichever path and direction you decide I should go, God - I submit to your Higher Will. But I only plead for one thing - make the next 5 years, happier and more fulfilling, than the last 5 years. Make it a period of intense growth in intellect, achievement, spiritual and emotional fulfillment.

That's all I ask, God.

Ha! Guess what song Manilow is playing on piano, now? It's called "I Made It Through The Rain" - what an apt song, to end my reflection on the last 5 years! :) Haha!