Close Encounters of 3 Kinds

It was a surprise seeing FirstMan there.

He's a pilot and he spends 20 days a month, flying. That should have narrowed the chances of us bumping into each other in a club. But it happened.

When I first noticed FirstMan in the club, I immediately looked away. I didn't want to be reminded of what I had lost, by the person, I had lost it to. But later in the night, FirstMan saw me too and I noticed that he was occasionally looking at me. I ignored the situation.

At one point, FirstMan parked himself about a few feet, in front of me. Many thoughts ran through my mind at that time. Envy, that he had the woman I wanted. Pity, for the woman's inability to be loyal to him, presently and probably, in future too. Sadness, for the things that he will never know, but which he deserves to know. Awkwardness, that the only thing that we had in common was that we both once loved the same woman.

I saw him holding his liquor in a glass and I remembered that N had told me that he had quit drinking for her. What bloody nonsense! She obviously overestimated his willingness to change for her.

I walked out of the club and chatted with a few friends at a table outside. When the club was closing, FirstMan walked out, looked directly at me, attempted an uncomfortable smile and acknowledged me. I didn't return the acknowledgement.

I wondered what the acknowledgement was for. Was he trying to tell me that things were okay between him and me?

Was it gratitude, over the fact that he was jolted from an 8-year relationship slumber, into realizing that he loved N and had been taking her granted for too long? I remembered that N related to me that FirstMan had started sending her flowers - something that he had never done before but something which came second nature to me? And she sounded so happy when she told me,....

Was it happiness, that because things didn't work out between N and me, that she's decided to try much harder in her relationship with FirstMan? And now, they'll be engaged at the end of the year and married next year?

I don't know why he acknowledged me, that night. But the truth is, it shouldn't matter. We're just actors that once shared the same page, in my life story . What is important is that N is happy and can be the best person that she can be.


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Karaoke on Sunday was the first session organized by the young people's NGO. And to my great surprise, my ex-girlfriend, Ms. Fickle was there.

Ex-girlfriends are an amazing phenomenon, when you meet them again. Often times, you're reminded of the reasons why you fell for them. Everything that used to turn your senses up, return in full force. Her style, her grace, her shoulders, the way she dresses, the sexy stare,....everything brings back a memory.

You remember why you felt for them. You remember why you stopped feeling for them. But you never forget why you were attracted to them in the first place. Attraction remains very much alive. And just the both of you, act like strangers - as if you've never known each other in a past life - even though you were much closer at one time.

And that day, to my great surprise, I found out that Ms. Fickle could sing. Rather well, actually. In some weird way, she became more attractive in my eyes.

But you come to your senses. You remember the times when she changed her mind. You remember the time when she denied the relationship to the whole world. You remember the times, when her actions were absolutely cold. And you also remember, how she repeatedly leaned on you like an emotion pillar, when her cards were down and to walk away again, once she's stronger.

We parted that day like strangers, not former lovers. It's sad, really. To remember why you loved her and to also remember, why you should not. Of things that we once wanted so much and took so much time to get over, but of things that would never be.


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And now, YOU. You who came unexpectedly into my life.

You were not even planned. You were incidental to other parts of the original plan. Incidental or not, you were the unintended part of the plan, that I liked.

It's spontaneous, it's natural. Our background are similar in so many ways - I not only understand the context when you explain your past, but I actually know your pain. It's because I've felt it before, in my life too. Our mothers are the same. Our childhood and exposure was the same, even though you were wilder than me.

And now, our marital status is the same. And I'm glad that I could be here for you, walking you through all these familiar steps, making every day of your lonely life, a little lighter and more bearable. I know you love and miss your children and I could never a sufficient substitute. They're your angels and you're their mother.

There are times when you can be a bitch and I think I've told you off, when you are being one. Not that you'll be the first one, to walk into my life and I'm determined to see that you don't walk out of my life being a bitch. And I know your life is complicated - in some senses, even more complicated than N was, to me.

But I am glad that I'm being given the chance to be here for you. Your voice, your smile, your presence, your laughter, your comfort level with me and the way you understand what I'm saying - all of these fills up the empty spaces, in my life. And makes me look forward to another day. Our chemistry is amazing.

I don't know whether this is the right time to start feeling something. By right, I should wait, until all other complications in your life are resolved. By right, I should learn from the episode with N. More so, when your life has been both complicated and complicating.

But you have shown bravery, in an area where N has not. And I am quite sure that one day, when you open up your eyes and realize how sincere my love is and that maybe in some ways, you have always reciprocated - that maybe you'll give me the chance to fill the empty slot, in your life.

And if that point never comes, I will be to you, what I was to N - halfway harbour to the real destination. But while you're harbouring by my side, let me take care of you and you will learn what it is like to be loved unconditionally and in way, unrivalled.

We own nothing in life - everything is just a borrowed compilation of moments, with the people and the things we love. And I thank God, for this moment with you. And if it was meant for me, I pray for many more precious shared moments with you.