Turning Point: The Trip, The Challenge, The Deal and The Birthday
The Big Trip is still on my mind. Now that certain other major things have happened in my life.
I've made a promise to God and I shall go. As soon as I tie up a few loose ends in my life here - I'm definitely going.
I want to keep my promise. And I hope He grants me me my deepest wishes and prayers. InsyaAllah.
But I have no other expectations for The Trip, other than bringing me closer to something that's currently missing, in my spiritual life.
*******************************************************
The challenge period is for 4 months. I know she thinks that I can't do it. And obviously, she knows that it's going to be quite difficult for me. Especially, considering the major event that happened.
But when I set my mind on something, I can do it. Although it's been quite a while since I last achieved it - I think the last time round, was in 2003 to 2004.
I'm picking up on the challenge and I'm going to win it. Even if it kills me.
******************************************************
Next 2 weeks is an important week for the biz.
I'm excited but I'm containing myself preparing myself to not be disappointed, just in case, both deals don't go my way. But yes, would love to get the deals - both of them. It would be a great personal achievement for me.
God knows how much I want it - it's such a great opportunity and it's not a window that will open for many. I may just be lucky.
Be still, my beating heart. If it's meant to be your rezeki, it will be. If not - then it's not meant to be yours. Such is God's will.
And at least, in my personal life - I SO understand what that phrase means. Hell, I'm a veteran at it. It's just a matter of applying it to the biz now.
Pray for me, folks!
**********************************************
My mother passed on at 64 years old, 2 years ago on the 24th. My father passed away 21 years ago, on the 21st. She was 64, he was a youthful 51.
No one knows how long they're going to live. One can live up to 100 or die tomorrow, depending on what God has planned for us.
If I live as long as my late mother, I'm about halfway through, give or take. If I live as long as my late father, I'm more than 60% done with my life's journey. If I live longer than either of them, every single year I have would be a bonus, I feel.
And I guess that's why the next birthday coming up in Syawal, bothers me a little.
In my mind, when you're at least, halfway through - you should stop looking for directions and be set on a path, already.
It's like doing a Ph.D - the initial part is to read and explore all the branches of knowledge in your resaerch area. But at one point, you've got to stop having such a diverse set of options and commit to a tiny branch of a research topic that you'd like to follow through on. You can't still be "gliding" in the final year of your Ph.D - still asking questions about what you're supposed to do.
Life is short and there is so much to do, to achieve, to experience, for oneself. And to grow and nurture for others.
I think I've asked more questions in this short lifetime, than a lot of people have - and fought on many more emotional battlegrounds, too. There are many scars to show, for everything - some cutting so deep inside that no amount of time, will heal it. It's permanent.
But I guess I never expected to be where I am right now - at my age. There are so many basic experiences which come so easily to so many others - which I can only look forward to experiencing - without ever knowing, whether I'll ever get there.
There was a time when I used to believe - now, I'm not so sure anymore. Now, I pray for strength and patience, for the things that may or may not come. As long as I don't break like Eusoffee Abdoolcader did. God forbid.
Yes, I'm scared sometimes that I'm running out of time. And a little frightened that my youth and health will leave me, before some of the important things in life - like parenthood - arrives. Hani Mohsin dropping dead at 41 does not help the confidence, any.
But I must be true to my nature, myself and others.
Stay the course and do it right, this time. I'm too old to be gambling my life and the lives of others, just because I'm afraid. No - this time, it must feel right. All good things must be built on correct and strong foundations.
And I know what my foundation is - and I should never be tempted to compromise, for I will only hurt myself and others. It's all or nothing.
Not a birthday I'm looking forward to. But maybe Syawal will change my mind.
Who knows?
I've made a promise to God and I shall go. As soon as I tie up a few loose ends in my life here - I'm definitely going.
I want to keep my promise. And I hope He grants me me my deepest wishes and prayers. InsyaAllah.
But I have no other expectations for The Trip, other than bringing me closer to something that's currently missing, in my spiritual life.
*******************************************************
The challenge period is for 4 months. I know she thinks that I can't do it. And obviously, she knows that it's going to be quite difficult for me. Especially, considering the major event that happened.
But when I set my mind on something, I can do it. Although it's been quite a while since I last achieved it - I think the last time round, was in 2003 to 2004.
I'm picking up on the challenge and I'm going to win it. Even if it kills me.
******************************************************
Next 2 weeks is an important week for the biz.
I'm excited but I'm containing myself preparing myself to not be disappointed, just in case, both deals don't go my way. But yes, would love to get the deals - both of them. It would be a great personal achievement for me.
God knows how much I want it - it's such a great opportunity and it's not a window that will open for many. I may just be lucky.
Be still, my beating heart. If it's meant to be your rezeki, it will be. If not - then it's not meant to be yours. Such is God's will.
And at least, in my personal life - I SO understand what that phrase means. Hell, I'm a veteran at it. It's just a matter of applying it to the biz now.
Pray for me, folks!
**********************************************
My mother passed on at 64 years old, 2 years ago on the 24th. My father passed away 21 years ago, on the 21st. She was 64, he was a youthful 51.
No one knows how long they're going to live. One can live up to 100 or die tomorrow, depending on what God has planned for us.
If I live as long as my late mother, I'm about halfway through, give or take. If I live as long as my late father, I'm more than 60% done with my life's journey. If I live longer than either of them, every single year I have would be a bonus, I feel.
And I guess that's why the next birthday coming up in Syawal, bothers me a little.
In my mind, when you're at least, halfway through - you should stop looking for directions and be set on a path, already.
It's like doing a Ph.D - the initial part is to read and explore all the branches of knowledge in your resaerch area. But at one point, you've got to stop having such a diverse set of options and commit to a tiny branch of a research topic that you'd like to follow through on. You can't still be "gliding" in the final year of your Ph.D - still asking questions about what you're supposed to do.
Life is short and there is so much to do, to achieve, to experience, for oneself. And to grow and nurture for others.
I think I've asked more questions in this short lifetime, than a lot of people have - and fought on many more emotional battlegrounds, too. There are many scars to show, for everything - some cutting so deep inside that no amount of time, will heal it. It's permanent.
But I guess I never expected to be where I am right now - at my age. There are so many basic experiences which come so easily to so many others - which I can only look forward to experiencing - without ever knowing, whether I'll ever get there.
There was a time when I used to believe - now, I'm not so sure anymore. Now, I pray for strength and patience, for the things that may or may not come. As long as I don't break like Eusoffee Abdoolcader did. God forbid.
Yes, I'm scared sometimes that I'm running out of time. And a little frightened that my youth and health will leave me, before some of the important things in life - like parenthood - arrives. Hani Mohsin dropping dead at 41 does not help the confidence, any.
But I must be true to my nature, myself and others.
Stay the course and do it right, this time. I'm too old to be gambling my life and the lives of others, just because I'm afraid. No - this time, it must feel right. All good things must be built on correct and strong foundations.
And I know what my foundation is - and I should never be tempted to compromise, for I will only hurt myself and others. It's all or nothing.
Not a birthday I'm looking forward to. But maybe Syawal will change my mind.
Who knows?
posted by Stingrayz | 4:25 AM
10 Comments:
I certainly support you taking up the challenge ... just don't go on a spree after the challenge period is over! :-) Then it would defeat the whole purpose. Heh Heh
Noni:
Thanks, dear. :) Need all the luck I can get.
Xena:
Actually, that might just happen. Heh! ;)
May your preserverance pay off, and may Allah grant you ALL that your beating heart so desires in all aspects of your life. Take care.
Cat that eats no fish:
Thank you.:) I appreciate that.
I don't eat fish, either. Meow. :)
Eliza:
Yep, you've got a point. But in the things that I love, I've never stopped short of 100%.
Some friends would even point out to you that I give it 120% and I just don't know when to stop,...and to just let go.
There's still some things left to learn, I guess.
At this age, I would be very anxious to make a difference to this world or in the country to the very least. The way things are running now, I'm not all that confident that I will be able to do so. All I do is work all day and pay the bills at the end of the month. Then I go on holiday every year. The cycle then reiterates itself for another 365 days. I'm sure theres other ways to get paid and still leave my mark in a positive light. If not now, then when? Have you made your mark yet?
fade0:
Hey! Welcome back you! :)
I don't think it's impossible to make a difference in this country - but you have to keep calibrating your expectations to more realistic levels, perhaps.
Change will come, but at a pace much slower than you need it to be. So, there will be a gradual, but inevitable, back-sliding.
In a lot of ways beyond the lip service by the Government and most Malaysians - Malaysia is quite change-resistant - unless it be for the worse.
But we're all leaders at our own level.
Making a difference to the country doesn't mean that we have to effect change at a national level.
At the most basic, it could be at an individual, family or community level. If everyone did that - there would be great change in the country.
So, choose the level where you can be most effective. And it's never too late, to start.
It's the substance of the change that's important - not the form.
Me? I'd like to think that I've tried to do my bit for Malaysia in the last 5 years - but I'm all too aware, of where I've fallen short from where I'd like to be, in the effectiveness of my contributions.
No, I've certainly not made my mark yet - but I'd like to think that I've started scratching the surface.
A long way to go, still.
How can one call oneself a leader, while effecting change only at the individual level. Isn't a leader, by definition, someone who works through others? So, to be effective at, say, the national level, you have to inspire those under you to effect change through those under them (and so on and so on). This, I think, is most difficult to do; it's much easier to "preach from the periphery".
(Why the identity change?)
Anon 2
Anon 2:
Hey, Anon 2. Welcome back! :) Glad I didn't lose you.
As for the blogsite change - had to do it, to protect my personal life. Enough said.
Let me clarify on my point.
All forms of leadership begins with the individual, consciously or unconsciously. Change, at its most basic level, begins with the individual.
Sometimes, you lead because you're elected or appointed to a position. But sometimes, you lead by your example alone, without campaigning.
For instance, Datuk Nazir Razak is an eminent banker in the country. His own individual success and example, inspires others to be like him.
He didn't need to ask anyone to emulate him. But the "influence" of his success makes him a natural leader to look up to, in the banking world.
But he didn't do anything else, other than focus on his career as a banker and to make CIMB successful. He's not by any measure, a politician or any other form of NGO leader.
That's success at the individual level.
And when you're successful at that level like Datuk Nazir is - there are many other things that one can contribute to society - promotion of charitable causes, influence in one's own industry on national policies, development of top level human capital, etc.
You're right - it's easier to preach from the periphery. Undeniably so.
But every Malaysian should do what they can, to effect change at the level which they can (even if it be at the family level) and not simply "let go" to elected/appointed leaders, to fix all problems.
Otherwise, we have the disease that we have in Malaysia today - where our leaders will never be good enough, because our people have forgotten what it means to be good citizens.
dear count,
semoga diberkati dengan segala rahmat yang sah, absah dan afdal.
Dame Rosse:
Oiii, again - stop calling me Count! (You make me sound like the Sesame Street bloodsucker!)
But thanks for your wish, dear. :)
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