A New Day Begins, Sweety
Something changed when I woke up this morning.
Day Two of Heartbreak. A mixed bag of emotions - love, confusion, resignation, acceptance and forgiveness. The anger has gone, completely. I was calm and collected.
I'm surprised, but glad. I've started to heal. True love, excludes all possibilities of hatred.
There's no reason not to forgive her. There's no reason why we can't remain very good friends. There's no reason why I shouldn't be happy if she's happy, even if the happiness is not derived from me. There's no reason that the great parts in our relationship will not remain eternally, as sweet and lovely memories.
This is the 3rd time in my life that I've been at Heartbreak Hotel and I should be able to handle it better. And I think I am, handling it better.
But thoughts of leaving Malaysian shores to do a Ph.D in New Zealand, is certainly becoming more appealing. Maybe my rezeki is not in matrimony, due to the choices I make in my life. Perhaps those who never settle, never deserve anything. I don't know.
But if I have nothing to look forward to here, why should I not live my life like a Bedouin and see other parts of the world? What else is the money I work so hard, for? I have no parents, no children, no other dependents. I'm a driftwood. If I die tomorrow, my EPF will go to the Government - not that they'd appreciate it.
Was going through an extract of a Kahlil Gibran poem that made me think of her:
"Will you content yourself with the
Affection of one who looks upon Love
As but an entertainer, and declines
To accept him as her master?
Will you accept a heart that loves,
But never yields? And burns, but
Never melts? Will you be at ease
With a soul that quivers before the
Tempest, but never surrenders to it?
Will you accept one as a companion
Who makes not slaves, nor will become
One? Will you own me but not possess
Me, by taking my body and not my heart?
Then here is my hand - grasp it with
Your beautiful hand; and here is my
Body - embrace it with your loving
Arms; and here are my lips -bestow
Upon them a deep and dizzying kiss"
Forgiveness has seeped into my heart. I can feel it. Things will be better between us - the loss of a lover, has brought me a very close friend. I shall stop calling her Ms. Heartbreaker - she's now my muse and valued companion. For a lifetime, I hope.
I shall now call her, Sweety. I think she'd like that. :)
Day Two of Heartbreak. A mixed bag of emotions - love, confusion, resignation, acceptance and forgiveness. The anger has gone, completely. I was calm and collected.
I'm surprised, but glad. I've started to heal. True love, excludes all possibilities of hatred.
There's no reason not to forgive her. There's no reason why we can't remain very good friends. There's no reason why I shouldn't be happy if she's happy, even if the happiness is not derived from me. There's no reason that the great parts in our relationship will not remain eternally, as sweet and lovely memories.
This is the 3rd time in my life that I've been at Heartbreak Hotel and I should be able to handle it better. And I think I am, handling it better.
But thoughts of leaving Malaysian shores to do a Ph.D in New Zealand, is certainly becoming more appealing. Maybe my rezeki is not in matrimony, due to the choices I make in my life. Perhaps those who never settle, never deserve anything. I don't know.
But if I have nothing to look forward to here, why should I not live my life like a Bedouin and see other parts of the world? What else is the money I work so hard, for? I have no parents, no children, no other dependents. I'm a driftwood. If I die tomorrow, my EPF will go to the Government - not that they'd appreciate it.
Was going through an extract of a Kahlil Gibran poem that made me think of her:
"Will you content yourself with the
Affection of one who looks upon Love
As but an entertainer, and declines
To accept him as her master?
Will you accept a heart that loves,
But never yields? And burns, but
Never melts? Will you be at ease
With a soul that quivers before the
Tempest, but never surrenders to it?
Will you accept one as a companion
Who makes not slaves, nor will become
One? Will you own me but not possess
Me, by taking my body and not my heart?
Then here is my hand - grasp it with
Your beautiful hand; and here is my
Body - embrace it with your loving
Arms; and here are my lips -bestow
Upon them a deep and dizzying kiss"
Forgiveness has seeped into my heart. I can feel it. Things will be better between us - the loss of a lover, has brought me a very close friend. I shall stop calling her Ms. Heartbreaker - she's now my muse and valued companion. For a lifetime, I hope.
I shall now call her, Sweety. I think she'd like that. :)
posted by Stingrayz | 7:14 PM
3 Comments:
I once had an oil lamp. The glass container cracked so I stopped using it. But I kept it cos it still looked good and I figured I may, at a later point in time, repair it to be used again. One day, the crack grew larger and the oil leaked out and caused a fire, almost destroying my entire kitchen. I now handle old lamps with great care cos they can easily burn me again.
Point noted, LastJan. Had my kitchen burnt before due to old lamps. And what you say makes total sense for people who are afraid to get their kitchen burnt.
The problem is: a person who has nothing to lose, will usually risk everything he has. Old lamps or new, for a person mostly in the dark, only the hope of having light at any moment, keeps him going.
For light can only mean nothing to the blind and those who shut their eyes deliberately; the rest have no choice, but to seek it.
Oh heart since the world's reality is ilusion,
How long will you complain about the torment?
Resign your body to fate and put up with pain
Because what the pen has written, it will not un write.
--Rubai'yat of Omar Khayyam--
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