Love and Life through Different Glasses
If there is one phrase that I think most children are familiar with from storybooks, it's "they lived happily ever after". It usually applies to stories like Snow White and Sleeping Beauty - where Prince Charming had come along to save the day and swept the heroine off her feet.
I certainly had more than my fair share of that phrase, when I was much younger. I think all of us who have heard it, have at least once believed it, on a conscious or subconscious level. Some of us still do believe it, even without realizing it. It comes out, sometimes, in how we view things...and others around us.
Recently, my experience with Sweety had led me to a startling discovery - that I could understand a life perspective that was different, and perhaps, contradictory from my own.
"Happily ever after" could mean different things to different people, I learnt. It depends on what has shaped an individual's experiences in Life. And what they experience in Life, directly or indirectly, shapes their perspectives on love.
Some people want to be blissfully happy with their partners - they will settle for nothing less - in loving or being loved. Some people just want to be loved unconditionally, despite not being able to reciprocate the love. Some people want to be married and for the marriages to last forever, whatever the costs - sometimes, in spite of love or the lack of it.
Some people give and risk and everything, to find the love that they want. Some people suppress everything, to accept the love they already have, with them. Some love with good values and honesty, others love or not love and marry, despite good values and honesty. Some choose to be pragmatic and opt for the security of a life without passion, than to take the risk of passion without security.
We all have our opinions but the truth is, we all can love in different ways and in varying degrees of emotions. One man's meat is another's poison.
The reality that I've discovered, is that a person's love CANNOT be stronger or better, than the person himself/herself. And that's the truth.
If you are idealistic, so will your love be. If you are pragmatic, so will your love be. If you are cowardly, so will your love be. If you're a cheat, so will your love be. Your love cannot be stronger or better, than what you are - any more than water can stop from taking the shape of its container.
Love may be understood to mean the same thing to all, but it can have a thousand different meanings, to a thousand different people, of varying experiences, temperament, passion and courage.
I found that it is quite meaningless to say that "love conquers all". It doesn't. It depends on the strength and values of the conqueror, really. A weak person will never be able to get love to conquer anything.
So the next time you fall in love - look closely at the prospective conqueror and assess her strength and values. Don't focus on the word love, focus on the meaning she gives to those words and the lengths to which she would go, to mean those words.
For Love and Life are lived through different glasses, by all of us - but what is important is that love bridges all the differences between each couple, to bring them to the common viewpoint, shared between the lover and the loved.
Learn to tolerate the weaknesses in yourself and in others and you will learn to forgive the weaknesses in their love. Sometimes, it's not that they don't mean what they say - it's just that they don't have the strength or values, to say what they really mean and are willing to act on. They fool themselves, perhaps temporarily, into believing the strength of their words, without measuring the strength of their will.
They say that in Life, you only get what you give. In Love, you will only get what you're willing to give and receive. So many people settle for so much lesser, but if they don't notice that they're unhappy, is it for us to tell them?
There is no one definition of Love - for it is seen through different glasses, by many. But I'm willing to bet on this - if you want a strong and true love, find a strong and true person. You can only go as far, as you're willing to ask and fight for. No more than that, but very possibly less.
Yes, it's still "happily ever after" - but from whose glasses, really? And where no pair of glasses can claim to be better, than the others.
I certainly had more than my fair share of that phrase, when I was much younger. I think all of us who have heard it, have at least once believed it, on a conscious or subconscious level. Some of us still do believe it, even without realizing it. It comes out, sometimes, in how we view things...and others around us.
Recently, my experience with Sweety had led me to a startling discovery - that I could understand a life perspective that was different, and perhaps, contradictory from my own.
"Happily ever after" could mean different things to different people, I learnt. It depends on what has shaped an individual's experiences in Life. And what they experience in Life, directly or indirectly, shapes their perspectives on love.
Some people want to be blissfully happy with their partners - they will settle for nothing less - in loving or being loved. Some people just want to be loved unconditionally, despite not being able to reciprocate the love. Some people want to be married and for the marriages to last forever, whatever the costs - sometimes, in spite of love or the lack of it.
Some people give and risk and everything, to find the love that they want. Some people suppress everything, to accept the love they already have, with them. Some love with good values and honesty, others love or not love and marry, despite good values and honesty. Some choose to be pragmatic and opt for the security of a life without passion, than to take the risk of passion without security.
We all have our opinions but the truth is, we all can love in different ways and in varying degrees of emotions. One man's meat is another's poison.
The reality that I've discovered, is that a person's love CANNOT be stronger or better, than the person himself/herself. And that's the truth.
If you are idealistic, so will your love be. If you are pragmatic, so will your love be. If you are cowardly, so will your love be. If you're a cheat, so will your love be. Your love cannot be stronger or better, than what you are - any more than water can stop from taking the shape of its container.
Love may be understood to mean the same thing to all, but it can have a thousand different meanings, to a thousand different people, of varying experiences, temperament, passion and courage.
I found that it is quite meaningless to say that "love conquers all". It doesn't. It depends on the strength and values of the conqueror, really. A weak person will never be able to get love to conquer anything.
So the next time you fall in love - look closely at the prospective conqueror and assess her strength and values. Don't focus on the word love, focus on the meaning she gives to those words and the lengths to which she would go, to mean those words.
For Love and Life are lived through different glasses, by all of us - but what is important is that love bridges all the differences between each couple, to bring them to the common viewpoint, shared between the lover and the loved.
Learn to tolerate the weaknesses in yourself and in others and you will learn to forgive the weaknesses in their love. Sometimes, it's not that they don't mean what they say - it's just that they don't have the strength or values, to say what they really mean and are willing to act on. They fool themselves, perhaps temporarily, into believing the strength of their words, without measuring the strength of their will.
They say that in Life, you only get what you give. In Love, you will only get what you're willing to give and receive. So many people settle for so much lesser, but if they don't notice that they're unhappy, is it for us to tell them?
There is no one definition of Love - for it is seen through different glasses, by many. But I'm willing to bet on this - if you want a strong and true love, find a strong and true person. You can only go as far, as you're willing to ask and fight for. No more than that, but very possibly less.
Yes, it's still "happily ever after" - but from whose glasses, really? And where no pair of glasses can claim to be better, than the others.
posted by Stingrayz | 9:48 AM
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