Crossing The Line
Sometimes, people make mistakes and they repent and make amends. Sometimes, people just keep making the mistakes and never repent.
Tonight, my brother pleaded with the family to let him sell the property which he embezzled from my mother, when she was still alive. The property is supposed to be a part of the family pesaka.
His excuse was that his financial condition had worsened, he had been in arrears for about 9 months and the banks had sent him a final note - before they would take legal measures and proceed to "lelong" the approximately RM300,000 Pantai Hillpark condo.
Forget the fact that some of his children are in private schools and universities. Forget the fact that he's sending my niece to Australia, within a year. Forget the fact that he's got money to pay his other debts, on things less important.
Despite how important it is to the rest of the family, that the property that has been stolen be returned to the estate, (in honour of Mum's wishes and memory) he has raised the white flag and asked to be saved financially, yet again.
He's not only stolen the property and charged it to the bank - he shall now get away with it scot-free, as the sale of the condo would release him from all his debts incurred on charging the property. And there seems to be no remorse on his side - just relief.
We may be brothers, but he seems to have been born without a conscience. I used to look up to him, as a child - and now I can only look down at him, in wide disbelief.
And the family has no choice but to agree - to allow the auction would have been detrimental to his reputation, as a lawyer and businessman. A private sale would fetch him a better price and help him resolve his debt.
Most of all, my thoughts were on my nephews and nieces and how their future would be affected financially, if their father's deck of cards started crumbling. The next generation, should not have to pay for the mistakes of the current generation.
Reluctantly, I was forced to agree. There is no measuring money, against blood. If my Mum was still alive - this is what she would have done - although it would have deeply broken her heart.
We did the right thing. We consented to the sale of Mum's condo and he forfeited his share of the pesaka family house in PJ(which unfortunately, is worth RM100,000 smaller than the condo) and allowed him to owe the estate, the balance of monies. I suspect we'll never see that balance either, for a long while - and if something happens to him - we may have to forgive that loan too and "halalkan".
But to me, it's not about money. It's about the principle. Something that was stolen, must be returned in its original form. Then only, can the option of forgiveness be exercised. Stealing cannot be condoned - especially within family members. It shakes the foundation of trust, between family members.
Mum had mentioned about the condo being returned to her, even down to the last one week before her death, from cancer. I guess she foresaw somehow, that if the stolen property was not returned, it would lead to a major split in this family.
Originally, the condo was supposed to be mine. Mum wanted to sell me the condo at a 50% discount when she was alive - it was going to be her one big financial gift, to me. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be - I found out at that time, that my brother had charged the property away, to a bank. And all hell broke loose, when Mum found out.
It really broke her heart that Abang, her favourite son, had stolen her only unencumbered property - her "insurance" in life and her intended gift for me.
I did not even mind, if what was supposed to be mine, is now part of the pesaka property, to be shared by all. What was important to me - was the principle - that my mother's wish that her property be returned to her, is honoured - even if it's done in her death. It's a pre-requisite for the healing to begin - especially for me.
And now, even her wish cannot be honoured in her death, anymore. I am both deeply angry and sad.
Abang talks about the importance of strengthening family ties all the time. But how do you strengthen family ties, when the bond of trust has been broken and when you cannot (or should I say, will not) make amends for crucial mistakes? The bond of family, is built upon trust and respect. Without those, no family unit can survive.
Sometimes, some things are lost and can never be regained. And with it, the window to resolve the outstanding issues. This is what my brother has lost, last night.
And with it, something else - the opportunity to regain my respect, for him.
If it matters at all, to him. I really don't know, if it matters to him. What is the point in striving to take the higher road in life, when you are taken advantage of, by your own family members?
Maybe not all things in life, are meant to be forgiven. Until forgiveness is actually asked for, in substance.
Tonight, my brother pleaded with the family to let him sell the property which he embezzled from my mother, when she was still alive. The property is supposed to be a part of the family pesaka.
His excuse was that his financial condition had worsened, he had been in arrears for about 9 months and the banks had sent him a final note - before they would take legal measures and proceed to "lelong" the approximately RM300,000 Pantai Hillpark condo.
Forget the fact that some of his children are in private schools and universities. Forget the fact that he's sending my niece to Australia, within a year. Forget the fact that he's got money to pay his other debts, on things less important.
Despite how important it is to the rest of the family, that the property that has been stolen be returned to the estate, (in honour of Mum's wishes and memory) he has raised the white flag and asked to be saved financially, yet again.
He's not only stolen the property and charged it to the bank - he shall now get away with it scot-free, as the sale of the condo would release him from all his debts incurred on charging the property. And there seems to be no remorse on his side - just relief.
We may be brothers, but he seems to have been born without a conscience. I used to look up to him, as a child - and now I can only look down at him, in wide disbelief.
And the family has no choice but to agree - to allow the auction would have been detrimental to his reputation, as a lawyer and businessman. A private sale would fetch him a better price and help him resolve his debt.
Most of all, my thoughts were on my nephews and nieces and how their future would be affected financially, if their father's deck of cards started crumbling. The next generation, should not have to pay for the mistakes of the current generation.
Reluctantly, I was forced to agree. There is no measuring money, against blood. If my Mum was still alive - this is what she would have done - although it would have deeply broken her heart.
We did the right thing. We consented to the sale of Mum's condo and he forfeited his share of the pesaka family house in PJ(which unfortunately, is worth RM100,000 smaller than the condo) and allowed him to owe the estate, the balance of monies. I suspect we'll never see that balance either, for a long while - and if something happens to him - we may have to forgive that loan too and "halalkan".
But to me, it's not about money. It's about the principle. Something that was stolen, must be returned in its original form. Then only, can the option of forgiveness be exercised. Stealing cannot be condoned - especially within family members. It shakes the foundation of trust, between family members.
Mum had mentioned about the condo being returned to her, even down to the last one week before her death, from cancer. I guess she foresaw somehow, that if the stolen property was not returned, it would lead to a major split in this family.
Originally, the condo was supposed to be mine. Mum wanted to sell me the condo at a 50% discount when she was alive - it was going to be her one big financial gift, to me. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be - I found out at that time, that my brother had charged the property away, to a bank. And all hell broke loose, when Mum found out.
It really broke her heart that Abang, her favourite son, had stolen her only unencumbered property - her "insurance" in life and her intended gift for me.
I did not even mind, if what was supposed to be mine, is now part of the pesaka property, to be shared by all. What was important to me - was the principle - that my mother's wish that her property be returned to her, is honoured - even if it's done in her death. It's a pre-requisite for the healing to begin - especially for me.
And now, even her wish cannot be honoured in her death, anymore. I am both deeply angry and sad.
Abang talks about the importance of strengthening family ties all the time. But how do you strengthen family ties, when the bond of trust has been broken and when you cannot (or should I say, will not) make amends for crucial mistakes? The bond of family, is built upon trust and respect. Without those, no family unit can survive.
Sometimes, some things are lost and can never be regained. And with it, the window to resolve the outstanding issues. This is what my brother has lost, last night.
And with it, something else - the opportunity to regain my respect, for him.
If it matters at all, to him. I really don't know, if it matters to him. What is the point in striving to take the higher road in life, when you are taken advantage of, by your own family members?
Maybe not all things in life, are meant to be forgiven. Until forgiveness is actually asked for, in substance.
posted by Stingrayz | 5:41 PM
1 Comments:
Money is a lethal thing. Someone actually had it half right when they said that money is the root of all evil. The love of money would have been more accurate. I have an uncle who did the exact thing as your brother, right down to the private school etc. And as usual, the family bailed him out again and again. One day, our family decided that no, we don't want to bail you out anymore, and the rest of the family (yes I'm kelantanese, obviously) had a bone with us about being kedekut. At the end of the day, one of the truest lessons I've learnt is that it's better to go into business with strangers than family and/or friends. That way, the only thing you loose, if anything goes wrong, is money.
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