Mum's Advice
During a meeting with the NGO gang yesterday, LC, a happily married lady with 3 kids, said something that reminded me of my Mum.
"If you want to be happy, always marry a person who loves you more, than you love him - and not a person, who you love more".
Mum used to say the same thing all the time, when she was alive. I used to think the line so cynical, so pragmatic, so unromantic. It was like an insurance policy. It implies that you're not entirely going to die for the other person, but at least he will, for you.
Perhaps, it would work better with a woman than a man. Or a pragmatist, rather than a romantic. I knew it never worked for me - otherwise, I'd still be married.
And why can't 2 people be equally in love with each other? (Not that direct measurement, is possible - though I suppose the show of commitment and acts of sacrifice does come out in the deeds, one is willing to do in the name of love)
I smiled politely at the advice. In my mind, I dismissed it, immediately. Could not accept it, when Mum as alive and still cannot swallow it now. It's just not in my nature, I guess.
I'm just a hopeless romantic fool. In love and in life. Give everything, risk everything, feel heavenly happiness and occasionally, be hurt like hell and yet, regret nothing.
Good and bad - and it's still more good than bad -it's brought me to where I am today.
I know you only said it to protect me, Mum - but you also brought me up to always do my best. I'm not afraid to fail, Mum, but I am afraid, of fearing to live.
"If you want to be happy, always marry a person who loves you more, than you love him - and not a person, who you love more".
Mum used to say the same thing all the time, when she was alive. I used to think the line so cynical, so pragmatic, so unromantic. It was like an insurance policy. It implies that you're not entirely going to die for the other person, but at least he will, for you.
Perhaps, it would work better with a woman than a man. Or a pragmatist, rather than a romantic. I knew it never worked for me - otherwise, I'd still be married.
And why can't 2 people be equally in love with each other? (Not that direct measurement, is possible - though I suppose the show of commitment and acts of sacrifice does come out in the deeds, one is willing to do in the name of love)
I smiled politely at the advice. In my mind, I dismissed it, immediately. Could not accept it, when Mum as alive and still cannot swallow it now. It's just not in my nature, I guess.
I'm just a hopeless romantic fool. In love and in life. Give everything, risk everything, feel heavenly happiness and occasionally, be hurt like hell and yet, regret nothing.
Good and bad - and it's still more good than bad -it's brought me to where I am today.
I know you only said it to protect me, Mum - but you also brought me up to always do my best. I'm not afraid to fail, Mum, but I am afraid, of fearing to live.
posted by Stingrayz | 8:12 AM
9 Comments:
Learn. But do not regret.
Bitterness is poison to the soul.
Min:
Touche. You can only be bitter, for the things you do not forgive.
And so far, with the certain exception of certain family members and one idiotic CFO at a company I used to work for, I've forgiven pretty much everyone else.
The hurt will heal with time. It's the price we risk for hope and trust. In anyone on any matter - not just love.
Jasmine:
Good for you. Be ready for possibly, a treacherous path, though. ;)
I tried being with someone who loves me more,once, and it didn't work out. Because I feel that it's an inadequacy to expect more out of something that I could not return in kind.
Having said that, there's a dialogue in Veer-Zaara where her mom said,"Cinta wanita dan lelaki sangat berbeza. Wanita menyintai dengan sepenuh jiwa raga." (read the subtitle, no full understanding of the Urdu language.hehe.)
Fortunately for Zaara,Veer is an exception to the rule. And I believe that there are enough Veers in this world (am commenting on one's blog, anyway) to justify being a romantic fool in life.
Yes,Stingray,keep being truthful to what you believe in, just don't kill yourself in the process,ok.
p.s.: Nescafe Tarik sounds good. Hehe..
Will try not to get killed in the process, Voice. :)
Veer Zaara - sad movie. He was in prison all those years - what a high price to pay for their love.
But Shah Rukh Khan was great in that movie. And even though she did not play the lead role, I've always had a thing for Rani Mukherjee. :)
For a different sort of Hindi movie, other than your typical romantic tear-jerker, you should try watching "Dil Chahta Hai". Good stuff.
That's the same advice my mum used to tell me - never give it your all when it comes to your heart. To some extent, that's how I've lived my life, or at least tried to. Until something happens reminding you that sometimes, theories are easier preached than practiced.
So for as long as you can, you try your damnest to swim against the tide but eventually, you have no choice but to let the currents carry you. Sometimes though, the tide brings you back to shore, right where you started and that's when you need faith in the Path set. Being fatalistic about things is not always a bad thing you know.
But I'm digressing from my main intention for this comment(typical of me!! urgh!) what I REALLY wanted to say is that I'm glad you're holding up ok and keep working that 'Room'!!. Your 'Tales of 2 Bachelors in Bangsar' and 'Wowing them in Parliament' literally brought a smile to my heart. Thank you for that...:)
Anonymous:
Glad you liked the stories. Am happy to entertain. That seems to be all I am nowadays, to some people.
But I have to disagree.
You choose your own path - tide or no tide. God may amend your path here and there - but the final decision of how to live is ours.
We may not control the conclusion - but we are in control of our efforts and actions.
Otherwise, the issue between heaven and hell in the Afterlife is moot - if we don't have a choice.
Choice, the human will and the ability to think, is what defines us, from the rest of God's beings.
We are even given a great capacity to change- both ourselves and the world.
That's why we are encouraged to do our best and THEN only to leave it to God.
But if you lack courage and will to persist, then God and life's tides become a convenient blaming point. For everything, eventually - even the so-called Path.
Being fatalistic, only helps us accept our mistakes better. It does not make our lives better. It does not make the Path clearer - or even set the Path.
It's a lie.
It just makes the pain more bearable, by insulation - but the disease will still be there.
Like a terminal cancer patient on painkillers. It doesn't stop the eventual death. And I've seen that too, Sweety.
The difference is that my Mum did not have a choice - it was her time to go. But we do. We all do. Life is for the living and those who want to live.
Being fatalistic before things are fatal or fated, is like committing suicide, before things can get better.
Why bother living, if all we crave to do - is to "die" before the time comes? To give up? To relinquish control of our lives, by default? And to blame God for it, when we have not even tried?
But it's all a matter of choice, I guess. And you seem to have made yours, Sweety. :(
You misunderstand me Stingray (perhaps I have this chronic inability to express myself with clarity?). What I mean to say is despite all my conscious efforts to be selfish with my heart, there comes a point where you realise that what you need to do is actually let it go, well, most times at least.
And yes, your life depends on the path you chose. I've never disputed that. And yes, some believe that Fate is the refuge of all self confessed failures. My take is that you make the best choices you can, you live each day in the present and you'd better try to make it beautiful. What happens at the end of that road, that is Fate. Acceptance of your choices. Your own Fate.
But whatever choices one makes, no one has a right to judge that choice, right or wrong. After all, good decisions comes from experience and good experience comes sometimes from bad decisions!
Bon, assez deja, I would much rather hear of your fortunes out there! (And i risk annoying your readers!!) :)
No one can judge the choices we make? Debatable.
But the conduct of the person making that choice? Most definitely, we can. We have to.
Otherwise, we'll be in a moral vacuum - where even playing with the feelings, lives and future of others - becomes a viable option.
Enough already, Sweety. You've done enough damage here already. :(
I can't stop you from reading the blog, but as someone who just treated me really badly and dumped me thereafter, after building up my hopes - I hope you have enough decency to keep your word and stay out of my life.
Especially at a time, when I'm just pulling the broken pieces back together. Please have some consideration - don't make me annoyed in cyberspace.
You've made your decision - you have your man - now go accept your Fate. I hope it was a good decision - otherwise, you can always chalk it up to experience.
But it's of very little consolation to me. Philosophically or otherwise.
Action speaks louder than words, my dear. And while your words are repeatedly sweet, (like in this blog) your actions have always failed me.
Always.
Anonymous,
it always takes 2 to tango, sometimes when one steps on the other's foot, it'll take time to heal before he can start dancing again.
worse still if he decides that he doesn't want to dance with you again...
quelquefois si on n'a pas des choses de parler on doit prend silence
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