Detoxification Begins
Detox is hard. But from experience, I know it will get easier with time.
Am tired of the "exhaust yourself with activities till you can't think" strategy. I seem to have more energy than friends, plus the exhaustion tends to follow you through to the next day. And there are some friends, I don't want to hang around with, because they accentuate my sadness.
Can't seem to read, because I'm distracted. So, I'm watching a lot of TV. Thank God for good movies, on the ASTRO movie channels. I'm keeping to myself a lot - I have to get used to this. Even if I do think about her when my mind is at rest and a part of me jumps a little, everytime I hear the padlock click, at the front grill. It's usually the neighbours, though I wish it wasn't.
Next week, I'll be busy with the renovation work and have to start preparing to move to the new condo. Plus, have to do the speech for Josh and Ms. Prim's wedding too on the 1st of May. Joyful things to look forward to.:)
I've got salsa classes later, but I'm really not in the mood to dance. But I will go, because I should and I don't want to disappoint my (very serious and dedicated) instructors. Tomorrow, I'll will be busy with renovation shopping.
But on the nights I'm alone, I have to be strong enough to absorb it. Can't keep running myself to exhaustion - it's got to be a mix of the busy and the lull. The memories don't make it easy and my inability to hate, is debilitating. But prayers help, a little.
But it's a good start, to the detox. And one day, hopefully not too long from now, I won't even notice that I'm trying and it would not hurt anymore. Just like the scar of an old, deep wound - the only thing that will hurt, perhaps, is the memory.
On the right track now. Just keep going, I remind myself. One day at a time. This hurt will pass. It must.
Am tired of the "exhaust yourself with activities till you can't think" strategy. I seem to have more energy than friends, plus the exhaustion tends to follow you through to the next day. And there are some friends, I don't want to hang around with, because they accentuate my sadness.
Can't seem to read, because I'm distracted. So, I'm watching a lot of TV. Thank God for good movies, on the ASTRO movie channels. I'm keeping to myself a lot - I have to get used to this. Even if I do think about her when my mind is at rest and a part of me jumps a little, everytime I hear the padlock click, at the front grill. It's usually the neighbours, though I wish it wasn't.
Next week, I'll be busy with the renovation work and have to start preparing to move to the new condo. Plus, have to do the speech for Josh and Ms. Prim's wedding too on the 1st of May. Joyful things to look forward to.:)
I've got salsa classes later, but I'm really not in the mood to dance. But I will go, because I should and I don't want to disappoint my (very serious and dedicated) instructors. Tomorrow, I'll will be busy with renovation shopping.
But on the nights I'm alone, I have to be strong enough to absorb it. Can't keep running myself to exhaustion - it's got to be a mix of the busy and the lull. The memories don't make it easy and my inability to hate, is debilitating. But prayers help, a little.
But it's a good start, to the detox. And one day, hopefully not too long from now, I won't even notice that I'm trying and it would not hurt anymore. Just like the scar of an old, deep wound - the only thing that will hurt, perhaps, is the memory.
On the right track now. Just keep going, I remind myself. One day at a time. This hurt will pass. It must.
posted by Stingrayz | 9:36 PM
4 Comments:
I saw a Coelho's book in Kino the other day - "The Devil and Miss Primm", or something to that effect. That's how Josh and Miss Prim came about, isn't it? Hehe.
You can do it, Stingray. Be as near to Allah as possible, He Knows Best. We will not be tested beyond our capabilities, He promises us that. One day at a time.
Take care. May Allah bless you.
Haha! Actually, no - Josh and Ms. Prim met under very different circumstances. But yes, I may have been inspired by that book. :)
And thanks for the good wish. Sometimes, I wish that I knew what the endgame is, to all these challenges.
What is it that God is preparing me for?
There must be a purpose, I feel. Pain for pain's sake consecutively in life, is hardly comforting. Even if it within our capacity to survive.
Yes, but He does know best,...and as mere mortals, we can only wait for His wisdom to appear before us.
Until that point when it all makes sense,...it's one difficult day at a time, Voice.
Giving a speech at a wedding? That sounds so familiar *sigh* which reminds me that I've got a speech to write too. Hmm... after exams perhaps.
Allah SWT doesn't give us obstacles we cannot handle so be strong. Learn from what went wrong, so that it was not all for nothing.
I am far from perfect, so I apologise if I sound like a martyr. But I hope that if it ever came to it, someone would remind me of the same things as I do for you now.
Min:
Anytime you need a kick, I'll be there to give you one! ;)
Jasmine:
The dance is sexy. The man is still trying to be. Haha!
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