Dinner with Kitty
I had a good dinner with Kitty last night. No, she's not my cat - Kitty's what I used to call my ex-wife.
Well, actually, I still do call her that. It's a term of endearment that's stuck, despite the marriage being over. And thankfully, we're still very good friends, despite our divorce.
As usual, Kitty had many stories to tell over dinner. She had just returned from a 3-month study trip and was the best student in her class. (Which is not surprising - she had 2 First Class Honours in both her undergraduate and Masters degrees).
What was more amusing was that her work was so good this round, some of her professors wanted to plagiarise it - with permission, of course. Yes, my ex-wife is a super-achiever when it comes to academia - it's truly her forte.
Although in her current job at the Young Turks' Unit in Mr Nice Guy's Office, her research talents are severely under-utilized and under-appreciated. They prefer savvy former strategic consultants or investment bankers in The Office - which is probably why things are in such a mess, in this country.
Her peers and boss treat it like a consulting job - if it goes beyond their scope, they don't look at it - unless it's a billion dollar issue. Who cares, right? The implementation details, are for someone else in Government to worry about. They're just there to help Mr. Nice Guy with the macro stuff.
It's such nonchalance that has brought us to the troubled spot that we're in today. But never mind, that's a story for another day.
Back to Kitty.
Working in The Office has changed her, in a substantive way. She's more confident now - of herself, of her on-the-ground knowledge and lately, of her calling and direction. She knows now that she will pursue her Ph.D and that she's got what it takes to complete it. (She's the only one that ever doubted it, really).
There's very little trace of the diffident girl I used to know, always worried about where she's going in life. It's the new Kitty. Coaxing her into the office, was probably one of the best things I ever did for her, in our marriage. One of the few things that ever went right.
But there's also much of her, that has remained the same. Her obsession with things spiritual like chakras, karmas, crystals, astrology, fortune telling and other things, remain the same - if not more pervasive now, in her life. It's like talking to Madam Zorra, sometimes. :) In that sense, we're still direct opposites.
But she was pleased that I had joined salsa classes. It was something she always wanted to pursue.
Over dinner, Kitty regaled me with tales of her trip to Paris, her chase for her flight at the Charles De Gaulle Airport, her surprise marriage proposal from an Indian national in the UK, whom she met for the first time (haha!), watching "Jesus Christ Superstar" with one of the Selangor mayors who was a coursemate, a man who had died for 6 months before his body was recovered above Grandma's room, etc.
Kitty's a pretty animated storyteller.:) Even when the issues were really quite grim, Kitty always found a little humour in it. I laughed so hard last night, at some of her hilarious stories. She was one of the few people that I could talk to, that would allow me the leisure of keeping quiet and becoming more of the listener. It's nice for a change.
And then, she'd switch into her serious mode and express her fears about her future plans - about jumping into the unknown. I told her that it's never the unknown, when you know that you're making the right decision and your heart and mind is behind it. Sometimes, we first have to lose our balance, to learn how to dance.
In the car, on the ride back, I realized that this is probably one of the most spectacular blessings, in my life. That we're still such good friends and our previous history has not driven us apart. It has taken much understanding and sacrifices on both sides - but it has worked. I've not lost her.
We all make mistakes in life - some bigger than others. But sometimes, if we have the sincerity and courage to be fair to others and have their interest at heart first, the bond of mutual affection, will never break.
We may not be married to each other anymore (and we both realize that it's a good thing) but we've kept what's important - the knowledge that we will always be there for one another.
There are so many things to be thankful for, if we bother looking. Despite the occasional tsunami that ravages our lives, we should never lose a sense of perspective. Fortune always favours the bold.
Well, actually, I still do call her that. It's a term of endearment that's stuck, despite the marriage being over. And thankfully, we're still very good friends, despite our divorce.
As usual, Kitty had many stories to tell over dinner. She had just returned from a 3-month study trip and was the best student in her class. (Which is not surprising - she had 2 First Class Honours in both her undergraduate and Masters degrees).
What was more amusing was that her work was so good this round, some of her professors wanted to plagiarise it - with permission, of course. Yes, my ex-wife is a super-achiever when it comes to academia - it's truly her forte.
Although in her current job at the Young Turks' Unit in Mr Nice Guy's Office, her research talents are severely under-utilized and under-appreciated. They prefer savvy former strategic consultants or investment bankers in The Office - which is probably why things are in such a mess, in this country.
Her peers and boss treat it like a consulting job - if it goes beyond their scope, they don't look at it - unless it's a billion dollar issue. Who cares, right? The implementation details, are for someone else in Government to worry about. They're just there to help Mr. Nice Guy with the macro stuff.
It's such nonchalance that has brought us to the troubled spot that we're in today. But never mind, that's a story for another day.
Back to Kitty.
Working in The Office has changed her, in a substantive way. She's more confident now - of herself, of her on-the-ground knowledge and lately, of her calling and direction. She knows now that she will pursue her Ph.D and that she's got what it takes to complete it. (She's the only one that ever doubted it, really).
There's very little trace of the diffident girl I used to know, always worried about where she's going in life. It's the new Kitty. Coaxing her into the office, was probably one of the best things I ever did for her, in our marriage. One of the few things that ever went right.
But there's also much of her, that has remained the same. Her obsession with things spiritual like chakras, karmas, crystals, astrology, fortune telling and other things, remain the same - if not more pervasive now, in her life. It's like talking to Madam Zorra, sometimes. :) In that sense, we're still direct opposites.
But she was pleased that I had joined salsa classes. It was something she always wanted to pursue.
Over dinner, Kitty regaled me with tales of her trip to Paris, her chase for her flight at the Charles De Gaulle Airport, her surprise marriage proposal from an Indian national in the UK, whom she met for the first time (haha!), watching "Jesus Christ Superstar" with one of the Selangor mayors who was a coursemate, a man who had died for 6 months before his body was recovered above Grandma's room, etc.
Kitty's a pretty animated storyteller.:) Even when the issues were really quite grim, Kitty always found a little humour in it. I laughed so hard last night, at some of her hilarious stories. She was one of the few people that I could talk to, that would allow me the leisure of keeping quiet and becoming more of the listener. It's nice for a change.
And then, she'd switch into her serious mode and express her fears about her future plans - about jumping into the unknown. I told her that it's never the unknown, when you know that you're making the right decision and your heart and mind is behind it. Sometimes, we first have to lose our balance, to learn how to dance.
In the car, on the ride back, I realized that this is probably one of the most spectacular blessings, in my life. That we're still such good friends and our previous history has not driven us apart. It has taken much understanding and sacrifices on both sides - but it has worked. I've not lost her.
We all make mistakes in life - some bigger than others. But sometimes, if we have the sincerity and courage to be fair to others and have their interest at heart first, the bond of mutual affection, will never break.
We may not be married to each other anymore (and we both realize that it's a good thing) but we've kept what's important - the knowledge that we will always be there for one another.
There are so many things to be thankful for, if we bother looking. Despite the occasional tsunami that ravages our lives, we should never lose a sense of perspective. Fortune always favours the bold.
posted by Stingrayz | 5:54 PM
1 Comments:
Blessing in disguise, it is. I've been told by a close friend that in friendships there will always be pure and unconditional love, but in the blindness of passionate love you might lose the beauty of friendship.
And I also have a friend who says he would not cry over a lost love, but he would cry over a lost friendship.
I have wise friends. Thanks to blogging, I've found another one in you :)
Post a Comment
<< Home