Grasping Good Sense

Old age makes human beings more pragmatic and careful. Well, most of them, anyway.

One of the things that let's me know that I'm getting older, is that a lot more of what my elders used to say, is beginning to make a lot more sense to me.

And for a long time, in my life - I've always fought this.

I've always felt that each life is a unique one - no 2 lives are the same, no matter how similar they may be in circumstances and outcome. There should be no generalization, because of the impossibility of a general all-encompassing truth, about any observations of Life. One man's food is another man's poison.

But if we stop and think about it, for a while: Life has a limited number of drama plots. Your life is not really that unique, perhaps not 80-90% of it.

What really distinguishes you from the others are the details of yourself, perhaps, and your circumstances - your name, your family, the time, the place, the history and the interplay of various characters, languages and cultures. We're never truly original - until we dig deeper beyond the surface, into the details.

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What am I rambling on about, you must be thinking?

I've had a few thoughts about good sense, lately. That some things are irrefutably good sense and that we only become self-saboteurs, when we transgress those lines. The lines that our elders and our religious or cultural morality speak of - about what's proper and what's not. About what's wrong and what's right.

The problem in extracting (or dispensing) lessons about morality is almost always the person preaching about morality - and when we're younger, that almost always, involves an elder. Hypocrisy or mixed signals, dilute the effect of what they're telling us to do. You don't believe it, because they don't walk the talk.

You can't teach your children how to speak well of others, when you don't and you bitch about half of the neighbourhood.

You can't talk to your children about being good pious Muslims, when you harm yourself (or others) with poisonous intoxicant substances, which is prohibited. You can't teach your children about love and forgiveness, when you hold so much of hatred for your ex-husband or your ex-wife.

You can't exemplify faithfulness when you're flirting with half the town when you're married or you're having an illicit affair, while you're married. You can't illustrate to others about being good and honest in your business dealings, when you're corrupt and you're shortchanging your stakeholders.

There are many other examples, of what I'm talking about.

Of seemingly good people, transgressing sensible and moral limitations - with all sorts of justifications and "alternative explanations" - you only live once, my grandma smoked and drank till she was 80 and lived a full life, life is meant to be enjoyed, love justifies it all, the bastard deserves to be hated, people are just judgemental, this is just business and not personal, life's a bitch, so you better treat her like one, etc,...yadda, yadda, yadda.

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So, nobody's perfect. That's a truism that no one disputes.

And if anyone had to be perfect before dispensing advice, there'd be no one left to give advice, really. On the planet.

But it's only partly about that. Of course, we're not perfect and we can't be, nature-wise. We always have weaknesses and for most part, people are always trying to improve on the things that we're weak on.

But I'm talking about what Stephen Covey called one's internal compass - your "True North". The little voice inside of you that tells you the difference between right and wrong. The thing that bothers your conscience, when you do it (at least, for most people).

It's the thing that you wouldn't tell people, for fear of how they may judge you and the circumstance. Or the disease that you ignore out of fear, because you hope that it would dissipate away, while you quietly continue with your self-destructive habits. Or the corruption that you tolerate for the sake of friendship, amicability and/or unity.


I'm talking about the parts of life that we don't deal with - because of love, hate, friendship addiction, fear, selfishness, manipulativeness, dishonesty, a distorted sense of purpose or a screwed-up perspective on morality or just plain escapism. Or any other reason, that one may think of or feel.


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I guess what I'm really trying to say, is - we become self-saboteurs when we ignore some cardinal rules in life.

Yes, we'll always have small problems and challenges in life - but I believe some of the major ones, (barring God-made catastrophic regions like Africa) are self-created.

And that is what some of our elders try to warn us against. It may be due to what they've always felt to be the difference between right and wrong. Or it may be due to hat they've learnt from their own past mistakes or failures (or perhaps, formulas for success). Or something, that they're still learning from.

They're talking about avoiding the big mistakes in life. Not because it's bad to make mistakes (after all, we learn from our mistakes to improve) but because some mistakes, come at such a high price to so many - both present and future. And the effects and damage are almost always, irreversible.

Some of the cardinal rules are repeated in several different religions, cultures and moral norms. We ignore them sometimes, because the basic rules seems simplistic and naive in this vicious, modern dog-eat-dog world, where everyone seems to be transgressing.

Have faith in a greater power than yourself. Practise the basic tenets of your religion or belief, if you have one. Be honest. Be faithful to your family and loved ones. Respect your elders and if you must disagree with them, do it in a respectful way. Take only what is yours - do not steal from others. Lead by example.

Work hard. Read and value education and learning, above all. Don't be greedy. Learn to respect others and learn to respect yourself. Don't deliberately harm yourself (physically or emotionally) and don't harm others. Spare a thought and a helping hand, for the weaker and unfortunate ones in society. Fight the corrupt and the victimisers, in whatever capacity you can.

Love if you must, but without abandoning your moral values, your self-respect and the sacred boundaries of matrimony. True love knows the boundaries of respect, not only for the beloved but for the circumstances, surrounding the lovers.

Speak well of others and always accentuate the positive, where possible. No person is truly good or bad - they're always varying mixtures of both. Some know who they are and some are still finding themselves. Give the benefit of the doubt, where it's reasonable to do so - but never give in to the temptation of blind faith, in the goodness of people. You will be disappointed.

Be the first to forgive - carry not hatred in your heart - it poisons yourself, above all. Avoid the company of fools or charlatans, or take the time to educate them.

And if you want a good family and good children - choose a partner with a strong character and good values. You can't get good fruits, out of bad roots. It's not a guarantee, but it's a good start. When we want our children or younger ones to listen to us, we have to walk the talk. Or keep trying to, at least.

And the knowledge that our life has an end to it. We are not eternal and our mission here is to live a meaningful, happy, healthy and moral life.


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Unless one lives in a moral vacuum, some of the basic tenets I mentioned above, are common wisdom. In all religions, cultures and morality.

It's in-built into us, by a greater power. We know it, because we feel it in our own internal moral compass - our own "true north". It bugs us, when we cross the line, even if we've decided to ignore it. All we have to do, is to find the strength to follow the compass - yes, I know, it's much more tempting and liberating to just ignore it.

But the truth is, our human desires, feelings and appetites, exceed what is good for us. It needs to have moral limits, for goodwill, peace and human civilization to continue.

And what makes us truly human and the finest of all God's beings, is the ability to distuinguish between the good and the bad and to toe within the distinguishing line - the ability to live, within a certain set of moral pillars, that stops us from destroying ourselves or others, in our pursuit of individual or collective happiness.

That makes sense, doesn't it?

Life would be much simpler if we dug in and grasped better what it is, that makes us truly human. Rather than being the wanton kings of animals in a make-believe world, in world that is constantly becoming less respectful and harmonious.