Kak Vanya and The Difficult Years

An early sahur at The Melting Pot with one of my late Mum's favourite nieces, Kak Vanya (not her real name) made me a tad reflective.

Kak Vanya, like me, is a divorcee. But she was lucky to be blessed with a lovely 6-year old daughter, who thankfully, took after her exotic looks. At least that's what Mum cheekily used to say.

Kak Vanya still looked great with her exotic Middle Eastern looks - she's 2 years older than me, but she could have any man she wanted, if she put her mind to it. Though I had a feeling that for now, little Nadia was enough, to fill up her world.

She was very close to my late Mum and always used to confide in her. And to a certain extent, I was always envious of the attention and affection that Mum lavished on her. Envious? Jealous, really.

But to Mum, I think she and her two sisters, (whom she affectionately refers to, as the girls) are the daughters she never had a chance to have. My own sister, Kak, is nothing like Mum. Perhaps, that was one of Mum's undying wishes - to have someone in her own mould. I knew my ex-wife was - and Mum loved her to no end.


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The conversation typically revolved around work, relationships and family. Unexpectedly, she had more emotional burden on her shoulders than I expected. But I kept silent most of the time, nodding intermittently and just playing plain good listener.

It occured to me during the conversation, how things have changed for both of us, over the years.

Less than 7 years ago - life was young, on track and full of promise and hope. About 7 years later, life has jaded us both, somewhat - in similar ways.

We learned about the treachery of family members and the distancing of family ties. We learned about trust being abused, at home and at the workplace and the difficulty of finding business partners with strong integrity. We learned that the best of friends, are worth more than the worst of siblings.

We learned of the joy of courtship and marriage and the pain of divorce. We learned to cope with the grief of a string of relationships gone bad and sometimes, to accept things which were clearly unfair to us. We learned the pain of losing loved ones, to ravaging, terminal diseases.

We learned to be more cautious, moderately optimistic and less naive. And sometimes, we're still learning what fits and what doesn't fit and that the heart should not always rule.

And we continue to be humbled by past misjudgements, misplaced loyalties and the labour of love invested in the wrong people. And we learned the heavy price of taking a stand on, on issues of principle.

And most of all, we learnt that society does not always accept what is different - and that's that, really.

The years had been hard on both of us. And it's funny - because for a long time, we were somewhat happy children and young adults, who hardly made any big mistakes in life. Whatever happened to those simpler days?

If we'd care to admit it, the last few years had made both of us AGE. We grew up, in the years before that, but we grew old, in the last few ones.

And we began to wonder what happened to the blissful ignorance of the world, we used to experience.

We're no more naive children - we've found out how hard the world can be. And precisely, for that reason, we've grown to cherish more, the good honest people and the loyal longstanding relationships, in our lives.

Some things come and go, but some things remain, through stormy and shiny days. These are the things that remain your guiding light, in the dark, difficult years.

No doubt that we've both aged from the experience - but I still think that we're both blessed with a lot in life, if we bother to take the time to reflect and to be thankful.

As Kak Vanya continued confiding in me and pouring her heart out, without filtering - I realized how much she misses Mum. And suddenly, I realized that just like Mum once was - I am now Kak Vanya's new confidant. Imagine that!

Life works in strange and mysterious ways, doesn't it?