The Defining Moments

This may be a short entry, because I'm feeling a bit cloudy today. But just felt that I had to get some of these thoughts, off my mind.

There comes a time in everyone's life, when you're faced with that defining moment. The choice of two divergent paths, each leading to a different type of journey and conclusion.

The consequences of this particular decision, will be irreversible and sometimes, it's complicated by a host of other factors - promises previously made, the approval of one's parents, peer pressure, material considerations, the temptation to take the easy way out, the number of people affected, etc.

There isn't a formula for making such decisions. I wish there was. Sometimes, when we're in a dilemma, we turn to God and ask for His guidance. Perhaps, not enough of us, do that in this day and age - where everything is perceived to be about being mature, adult and rational.

These defining moments, are the ones that we will remember. If a mistake results out of it, it is these moments that we will reflect on, for the remains of our life. And the echoes of the "what-ifs" and "what could have been" will reverberate through your heart, mind and conscience.

What can I suggest as a guide, from my own experience?

Listen to both your heart and mind. Don't make a decision out of fear, of the immediate effects of the decision. Have the courage to make the decision on what's best for you, for the long term. Whatever the consequence of the harder road - but if it seems and feels more right, believe that the hard moments which follow, shall pass - everything does. And you will survive it, stronger.

Don't rush to a decision - it's not always that a fast decision is a good one. Measure all the things that will be important to you, in the future.

Trust that small voice, in the back of your mind - the one that doesn't seem to stop, despite your insistence. Be extremely honest with yourself - you will never need it more, than now. If you delude yourself, you will end up deluding others, in future, despite all good intentions. And be honest with the people you care about - sometimes, people should be given the option to decide, as well.

Don't gamble with the hearts and future of others. It's not your right to do so.

Making a right decision at the right time, saves the future trouble and hard consequences of making the right decisions, at the wrong time. (Divorced people with kids will usually relate to this)

Don't be a martyr and choose to sacrifice yourself for others, unless you've decided on a life of misery. If you want to be happy, you cannot exclude considerations of the heart. No matter how hard we are or try to become, we are human and the frailties will begin to emerge, sooner or later.

If it's a decision where there's personal reluctance involved, it might be a wrong decision. Reconsider. Never overestimate your ability to cope - if you're wrong, others will pay for it too.

Look at the signs around you. Sometimes, things happen for a reason - they're not just random things, that happen by the way. Sometimes, as Muslims, we are encouraged to think, reflect and be intuitive of the things around us - as the Quranic verse goes: "Verily, there are signs for those who believe". Sometimes, we have to look beyond what's there.

Trust in God and ask for His guidance. Where relevant, religious and spiritual considerations, should be weighed too. And don't be afraid to change your mind, if you know you're on the wrong track. It's part of being an adult - being able to admit mistakes and learning to be fair to yourself and others, hopefully, in the best way possible.

The most relevant consideration is the NOW and going onwards, the future. The past is persuasive, but it will not guarantee the future. Especially, when the past reflects the signs, that may be adverse to the future.

Make full consideration of what's important in the future, in a holistic fashion. Life is not just about measuring good or bad people, but also about what you think should be done correctly and what fits your dreams/vision of the future.

Friends and family are important, but at the end of the day, it is YOUR life and YOUR decision. No one else will live with the consequences of that decision, but you (and perhaps, your children). No one else will share the blame, for a bad decision. Sympathy is nice, but makes for a hollow consolation.

Never bet on just having enough love for someone that you will commit to. Go for a bit more, for when times get tough, what seemed like enough love today, may not be enough tomorrow.

These defining moments or crossroads in your life, should be given the proper respect and consideration, due to it. You may not have the chance to pass this way again. And at the end of the day, if you've weighed everything properly, if it's a mistake, you will not regret it as much.

Most bad decisions are made hastily or is a "non-decision" - the illusion that we draw up to ourselves that certain things are "inevitable". Nothing is cast in stone,except death - even heaven or hell, depends upon our actions in this world. You HAVE the option of deciding. It's a God-given right.

Fate is for God to decide, but Mankind shall strive and do our best. That is our role and parameter - to live and do our best, yet to submit to a Higher Power.

Good luck with your defining moments. May God give you the wisdom and courage, to make the right decisions. And the strength to live with it.