Burning Bridges
There are a few things in the world that annoys me, like my elder brother does.
Abang is at it, again. Now that the family house has been sold in a rush (due to his financial calamity), he has now thrown a new tantrum to the family - he has reneged on all the things that he had agreed to, for the pesaka (inheritance) distribution arrangements.
He wants more. He's broken his promises. And he's doing this, without a shred of conscience. Typical of his head-in-ass syndrome, he thinks the world is at fault, for his problems. Even though he could bloody well afford a mirror, if he bothered to look there, for the cause of his financial problems.
And now, he's holding the family to ransom. He's refusing to sign certain consent agreements (which has been agreed to, previously), unless his new demands are met. Without regard, for the rights and feelings of his siblings. Breaking all the foundations of trust, between us.
This man - my dastardly brother - is a pesaka expert in this country. He goes on TV and around the country, advising people on how to settle their inheritance matters, harmoniously. And he always attributes a certain religious slant to it, to make himself more appealing to the Malay crowd.
And in reality - he's screwing his own family, on pesaka matters. And using his edge and knowledge to victimize his siblings.
Tonight, I snapped. I reached my limit, after years of being patient and tolerating his nonsense.
Tonight, I told him that he's not my brother anymore and I'm breaking our family bond. (My other siblings feel pretty much the same, but have not reached the disowning point, yet) His replies reflected that he was unfazed and unrepentant. He didn't care - as long as he got what he wanted. And he never once considered the possibility that he could be in the wrong.
Do you want to know what my worth is, to my brother? RM60,000.
For a mere extra RM60,000, he's willing to lose my love, respect and blood ties, as his brother. Even though it's clearly not his and it belongs to others, in the family.
And he's not stopping at that. Now he's asking for more.
Thank God that Mum isn't alive, to see the animal that he's become. It would have crushed her. For his sake, I hope repentance reaches him before Death's door does. God is the only one that could care for him, now.
Because he has certainly lost his siblings. All of them.
Abang is at it, again. Now that the family house has been sold in a rush (due to his financial calamity), he has now thrown a new tantrum to the family - he has reneged on all the things that he had agreed to, for the pesaka (inheritance) distribution arrangements.
He wants more. He's broken his promises. And he's doing this, without a shred of conscience. Typical of his head-in-ass syndrome, he thinks the world is at fault, for his problems. Even though he could bloody well afford a mirror, if he bothered to look there, for the cause of his financial problems.
And now, he's holding the family to ransom. He's refusing to sign certain consent agreements (which has been agreed to, previously), unless his new demands are met. Without regard, for the rights and feelings of his siblings. Breaking all the foundations of trust, between us.
This man - my dastardly brother - is a pesaka expert in this country. He goes on TV and around the country, advising people on how to settle their inheritance matters, harmoniously. And he always attributes a certain religious slant to it, to make himself more appealing to the Malay crowd.
And in reality - he's screwing his own family, on pesaka matters. And using his edge and knowledge to victimize his siblings.
Tonight, I snapped. I reached my limit, after years of being patient and tolerating his nonsense.
Tonight, I told him that he's not my brother anymore and I'm breaking our family bond. (My other siblings feel pretty much the same, but have not reached the disowning point, yet) His replies reflected that he was unfazed and unrepentant. He didn't care - as long as he got what he wanted. And he never once considered the possibility that he could be in the wrong.
Do you want to know what my worth is, to my brother? RM60,000.
For a mere extra RM60,000, he's willing to lose my love, respect and blood ties, as his brother. Even though it's clearly not his and it belongs to others, in the family.
And he's not stopping at that. Now he's asking for more.
Thank God that Mum isn't alive, to see the animal that he's become. It would have crushed her. For his sake, I hope repentance reaches him before Death's door does. God is the only one that could care for him, now.
Because he has certainly lost his siblings. All of them.
posted by Stingrayz | 8:24 AM
28 Comments:
Sigh. The things people do. And the ones closest to us hurt us the most.
I sympathize with u, Sting.
Been thru a smiliar situation with my relatives for a tussle for a piece of land and house.
I do hope u'll find it in your heart to forgive him someday.
there are things that we humans just can't change. Berserah kepadaNya. InsyaAllah. May he find conscience.
what else is there to do? either fight or give in. duit boleh dicari anyway. but to mismanage harta pusaka can be quite detrimental to one's own spiritual being in later years.
ah betrayal. do i know that word. and yesterday, another betrayal.
take heart and have faith.
I don't know you, of course, and I know nothing about what "pesaka" might mean to a Muslim. But you come across as being unable to let go of the "pesaka" as well. Why don't you just let go of it, with no strings attached? Think of it as a favour to your brother, to your siblings, and to your deceased parents. Your unhappiness and unwillingness to let go might be causing others grief as well. Your brother could also say, with some justification, that you are the one who has put the price tag of RM60,000 on your familial ties.
I would like to answer on behalf of Ray with regards to what Anon said about Ray not willing to let go. It is not an issue about him not letting go and putting a price tag of RM60K on their familial relationship. This is an issue of outright fraud, dishonesty and lack of integrity on the brother's part towards his family, esp. his then, dying mother.
All everyone wanted was atonement for wrongdoing done to the mother's estate. One should never let go when it is an issue of integrity and honour.
Having said this Ray, even though I feel that this is a long time in coming, I hope one day things will get resolved one way or the other.
I cannot even begin to imagine the frustration you have gone through before. just hope you have the strength to ride this one out as well. have faith. maybe he will one day see the error of his ways.
Rain:
For now, I'm not looking for that day.
You can't forgive someone who has stolen from you and is STILL stealing from you and shows no sign of remorse.
Nenn:
As I said, only God shall care for him now.
Babe:
You can't choose who you're related to - even if he begins to act like a criminal.
And the array of self-defence retaliatory action which are open to you with strangers, narrows down as well.
This criminal who holds his family to ransom, is the father of my nephews and nieces. Even if I don't love him anymore, I still love them.
But there comes a crucial limit, that should not be forgiven. And one has to fight.
Dinzie:
This goes beyond betrayal. It's continuous robbing, of one's siblings.
Anonymous:
Believe me, there are a whole string of things that I have let go of, in the past.
But would you forgive a sibling who is continuously stealing more and more, of what is rightfully yours and your other family members?
At which point, does it become meaningless to call each other family, when you have a thug who does not respect anyone else's rights and a thief who steals from everyone else?
My brother does not deserve pity, anymore. And my other siblings are with me, on this. They're all tired of his behaviour.
As for my deceased parents - my late father never taught any of us to be thieves. Integrity and credibility meant a lot to him.
My late mother was still mentioning about the property stolen from her, even in the final 2 weeks of her life, when she was dying of cancer.
There are some points where forgiveness should not be given, when none is asked for.
When the perpetrator/thief thinks that it's a God-given right to constantly violate the rights of family members - simply because, they're family members.
There is no favour done, in forgiving an unrepentant thief - because tomorrow, he will steal from someone else.
No amount of love, changes a wrong into a right. And the foundations of familial love, is trust and respect. That goes without saying.
Without those, there is nothing that makes blood thicker than water. Nothing.
Xena:
Thanks for attempting the explanation. You seem more upset than me, sometimes. :)
I don't know whether things will be resolved. My brother has never in his life, admitted that he is wrong. Much less ask for forgiveness.
But some things, will never be the same again. Some scars are permanent and are not meant to heal.
I don't think I will ever, trust him again.
wow...that's serious!
jasmine
here, have some coffee.
um. report him. takleh ke?
I have given some thought to just such a scenario, and my feeling has always been that I will never fight my siblings (or their spouses) for what belong to my parents. The best way for me to honour them is to show that I can stand on my own two feet, and while I may be "robbed" of what they had intended to be my inheritance, I am more than capable to sustain myself, and to create a comfortable lifelihood for myself.
Hi There Stingray how you going? I was sufing blogs for information on dream and I came across yours. while Burning Bridges wasn't exactly what I was looking for, It was most interesting. I can see why I found your page when I was looking for dream stuff. Thanks for the read!
Lita:
Maybe. Probably not. Old dogs don't learn new tricks.
Thinktankgal:
Thanks.
Jasmine:
Yep.
Ylanda:
Coffee. Just say when? :)
Pseudonymous:
Not the amount. It's the principle. Plus, 60K was just the beginning. He's arm-twisting us for much more. :(
Anonymous:
Of course, I can. He's a lawyer. But damaging him means damaging my nephews and nieces. Not an option open to me.
Anonymous #2:
There's none of the siblings, that cannot make a comfortable livelihood, for ourselves. We don't need the money.
It's not about that. It's about principles, respect and trust. Or the obvious lack of all three.
I don't draw a distinction between family and non-family members, when it comes to people benefiting from a criminal act.
Even prophets and caliphs in the past, did not a draw a distinction, when it comes to a crime. They punished all the same.
Stealing is still stealing. Wrong is still wrong. No amount of blood relations, makes it right.
What will we be saying to the next generation - if we teach them that it is okay that you steal, as long as you steal from family members?
But yes, the fact that you wouldn't fight your siblings, makes you a far more forgiving person, than me.
stingray,
(ref to your comment to anon#2): WOW! does this mean you are against free money? am i hearing you right here? are you serious? you're pulling my leg right? *LOL*
Ylanda:
I'm not just going for your leg. That will just be missing out, on the rest of you. ;)
Stingray,
Hang in there. He will get what he deserves from God. Must also remember that "Air dicincang takkan putus" so there's still hope for you and yr bro to make amends
..may the Almighty show him the right path.u take care darling.
pseudonymous : u can get a Gen2 at 60K.
If he believes that you're capable of destroying his career, do you think he'll be persuaded to sign on the dotted line? I know you do not want to actually do that for the sake of your nephews/nieces, but would a credible threat be sufficient to nudge him in the right direction? I'm really sorry for you, though.
- Anon 2
I hate to be cynical, but you really sound like one of those self-righteous people who go on and on about how it's about the principle, etc. But at the end of the day, you can't let go of the money. Unless you're honestly, honestly saying that it wouldn't make a difference whether it was 10 sen, RM10,000, or RM10 mil. My reading of all this is that you wouldn't care about the 10 sen, you'd get pretty pissed off with the RM10,000, and you'd fight tooth and nail for the RM10 mil. It doesn't make you a bad person, because I think most people are like that. Me too, probably, but sometimes, you need to be honest with yourself and call a spade, a spade.
I sincerely hope you find a happy resolution to your problem.
anon - you just don't get it, do you?
sorry, stupid question ... but does pesaka and pusaka mean the same?
Ray,
I foresee I will experience the same. The bridge is being burnt slowly in our family too.. I feel for you bro, I truly do. But I hold strongly to this principle "
Blood is thicker than water". The blood that's flowing in your veins is the same with that in his.
Call if you need someone to talk to k. Am here for you. Wanna go for coffee this Sunday? Buzz me.
anon,
Wow, I'm also a psychic like you. I can also tell a person's personality from just a few lines of writing. I can clearly tell you're a misguided soul and an awful listener. I sincerely hope I'm wrong.
I've seen and heard of the type of situation you're in many times. It starts with one party wanting more than his fair share. Then, everybody else gets upset, and before you know it, the family's assets become a grab bag. Inevitably, the ones who get less than their fair share will feel that they have been cheated, and will lament that they are victims of others' greed. But at the end of the day, the truth is that all are equally greedy. They all desire what they have not worked for, and were hoping for a windfall that is the inheritance.
Get over it.
Cosmic_gurl:
Air dicincang takkan putus, but ice broken can shatter into a million pieces - sometimes, never to rejoin again.
Sooz:
Thanks. Will do.
Anon # 3:
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, that you're being objective and that you just don't know what the full story is.
But let me clarify a few things:
1) It's about both the money and the principle. The principle is that it's wrong to steal and in this case, the subject-matter is money.
Plus, it's a crime to steal. It goes beyond principles. It's law.
(But let's say, if it's another form of crime. If a sibling raped one of my friends, should I look away - simply because, he is flesh and blood?)
2) We discovered about the property that was stolen from my mother, when I was about to buy it from my Mum. The sale didn't go through because of it.
No freebies there from Mum - we're not a rich family. j(Just in case, you're imagining that we're the Colbys)
If I wanted it, I had to BUY it, albeit on a slight on a family discount of 20%. (Mum needed the money for her retirement and on top of living off my late father's pension)
But I was going to buy it with money that I WORKED for.
But then she passed away (before the sale could happen) and the property which was supposed to be entirely MINE (by sale and purchase) is now under pesaka.
Which means that it's not going to be mine anymore and I have to share it with the rest of the family - through no fault of my own.
But I accepted it - it was not meant to be and I shall just take any part of the pesaka, which was proportionately mine, under Islamic inheritance law.
If I was greedy, I would ask for my right - because the property is rightfully mine, in entirety.
By right, it was never meant to be pesaka property, because my mother would have sold it to me, if my lawyer brother had not FORGED my sister's signature and charged the property to the bank for a loan facility, instead.
A loan which he now, cannot pay for. And the property is under threat of "lelong".
3) All inheritances are not worked for by the recipients, naturally. Unless they're family businesses, which means that they may be a part of building it.
Sometimes, we don't work for a lot of things that we're blessed with by God - brains, beauty and good looks, eloquence, power, etc.
Does that mean that if we optimise what we're blessed with, we're hoping for something, that we did not work for?
But Islam provides for the passing on of property and wealth, in a proper manner.
Inheritances do and can build an economic foundation for generations to come (look at Chinese, Indian and Arab businesses that have lasted a few generations), encourages economic activity and avoids what the religion abhors most - poverty.
And if people keep to it, there would be no issues - the Islamic rules of inheritance (faraid) are clear and is constructive for harmony.
The issues crop up when people (especially, when they're pesaka experts) start breaking those rules.
You cannot be said to be greedy, when you follow God's rules. It's your right, within what is ordained by your religion.
And if it's good enough in God's eyes, it's good enough for any man.
I don't need to build a world more ideal than that.
But thank you for giving the other side of the coin _ I appreciate it.
I would be blind in this world, if not for the benefit of alternative perspectives - even if I don't agree with it.
Lita & Lastjan:
Sabar. Orang marah nanti lekas tua. ;)
LX:
Yes, it means the same.
Pink-Fins:
Blood is only thicker than water, when it comes to our father and mother.
Siblings like everybody else, have to build on a history of trust and respect, for one another.
And when that is missing, blood is NOT thicker than water. Better a friend that shields you, than a brother who deliberately hurts you.
Sorry to hear that your family is going through the same thing. :( It's rough and bad for the soul.
Coffee? Can! Before or after Sunday karaoke? ;)
Everyone:
Let's close this issue. I'm done venting and surprisingly, having to defend myself, as well.
But such is life.
Even if you don't go looking for trouble, sometimes trouble comes searching for you.
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