Acceptance

This entry will not be a cheerful one. For those having a good day so far, please turn away. I'm in blog therapy.

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This will be my final entry on you, N.

I was checking my Friendster account today for new messages and friend requests when I saw Y's profile there.

Seems like she had a blog. And even though I knew that her blog would somehow lead to you, I clicked on the link anyway.

And there you were, in a photo with your fellow "angels" and closest confidants. You still looked good, N. But most importantly, you were smiling and you looked happy. And a part of me was glad.

I found out that the photo was taken on the same night that I almost bumped into you. That it was Y's birthday you were celebrating there, that night.

I continued reading Y's blog. And there was an entry there, about your birthday and the luau they threw for you. And more photos, too. Of you and the girls. Of you together with him.

I noticed that he wears his shirt (and the buttons) just like I do, nowadays. I wonder whether you had taught me to dress that way, because it reminded you of him. Not that it matters now. That's all in the past.


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Anyway, since I've forgotten (which must have been deliberate), Happy Belated Birthday. May the year ahead be kind to you.

I also found out that you've left the Company. Am happy for you. There certainly are better and bigger things for you, out there - than working for The Beast or the spineless CEO.

I'm quite confident that you will do well in the future, whichever path you may choose. Have confidence, don't be afraid - you're better than what you think you are.

It's a strange feeling. I looked at your photos and there's so much, I miss about you. There's so much, I miss about us. No one makes me feel loved, like you did.

But there's a part of me, that's happy for you. And I know, he will take good care of you. He's his own man - different from me - but he's a good man. And he will always have, my lifetime envy. For the future that he will have with you.

And since you've made your choice, I hope you will make the best of what you have.

I wish him happiness. And I wish you happiness, N. All the happiness in the world.

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The bitterness, seems to be gone. I'm not angry at you anymore. And what's left of the grief and sadness, is slowly seeping away. I will heal with time. And what the future holds for me - only God knows.

Thank you for the greatest of times, N. Thank you for all the lessons. Thank you for loving me at one time, in your life. And I hope, in some small way, you've benefited from our time, together. And that maybe some of the lessons learnt, will make your life better, in future.

Or maybe I'm just wishing that, so that there could be a point to all that's happened, between us.

Perhaps, it's a Ramadhan blessing - that today, I accept what has happened, between us. And I'm letting you go. Don't worry, the truth on some things will remain buried with me, forever.

Without anger, with some sadness,....and with all my love and best wishes, for your future happiness, with him.

Selamat Bertunang and Selamat Pengantin Baru, N.

My parting advice to you, is this - live, learn and love, to the fullest. Always.

Goodbye, N.