Leading Blind

The last 2 nights have been somewhat emotionally exhausting.

I've been consoling 2 friends who are pretty much similar in their character and predicament. Both are dear friends. Both are successful in their careers, considering their age. Both are younger than me. Both I consider my little sisters, in relationship. When life has turned them a bad deal, they sometimes turn to me for consolation, if not guidance.

And I guess what makes it ironic this time - is that we're all going through the same problems, in varying degrees of severity. All of us are feeling a little at sea and grappling with the same issues, mainly surrounding relationships and the inability to find meaning in any other areas, aside from work.

And yet, knowing that something there is not enough - that no matter how much over-compensating we do in other areas of our lives, some gaps will still remain.

It's tough trying to console people when you're going through the same predicament as they are. It's like telling people that things will be okay, when you don't really know for sure. Yeah, sure you've got faith and that keeps you going, everyday. But is your faith correct or misguided? Are you entitled to give other people advice, when you're struggling to overcome the same issues?

I don't know.

What I do know is that, sometimes, people want to be reassured. To be told that everything will be okay. That this empty feeling will not last and the effort to wake up and cope in another day of lonely existence, will one day end. And for all, these things, I must at least try, to lift their spirits up.


When Bond Girl told me that she's grown a little bitter and is beginning to blame all the failings in her personal life on God, I reminded her that sometimes, we find ourselves in a strange place in our lives, because we CHOOSE to be there.

Our deliberate choices bring us to where we are, even though the place is a little alien and surprising, to us.

It's because we want the best that we can get in life and we don't settle for anything less. It's because it has to feel right, otherwise, there may be a failure to launch. It's because we're willing to wait for that moment - and this apparent stasis in parts of our lives, is due to our willingness to wait for it.

Yes, of course, everything that happens is God's will. But the freedom to choose and decide, the freedom to choose our responses to our circumstances, the patience to cope, survive and fight another day - these are things within our ambit.

That freedom is a blessing. Anything that heightens these freedoms is even more of a blessing.

Financial independence that affords you the time and option to choose. Friends who don't judge and who are constantly there for you -ensuring that you don't veer off, the deep end.

Parents who understand the importance of choosing the correct life partner and gives you the space to decide - allows you to decide without being clouded by external factors. Children who give you the strength to survive the traumatic experience of a divorce and the difficult existence of being a single mother. Creative outlets that allow you to keep sane and to be in touch with the side of you, that feels and flows, more than thinks.

This generation has more choices and options, than perhaps any other previous generation of Malaysians. This is especially true of the woman - the need to be a wife and mother, is now only an option, amongst many other lifestyles.

And the men nowadays, have the option of choosing women who are not purely followers and are not regarded as inferiors. Now you can marry your equal and your marriage can be a real partnership, in many senses. And if you chose it to be so, it doesn't even have to be a local woman.

So many choices and options. So many things which are now possible, which at one time in our Malaysian history, would have been considered a figment of your imagination.

But there is a price for your expectations. And if you want to achieve it, you must be willing to pay that price. Regardless of how difficult, it may seem, sometimes.

Work at it, pray for it, ask for happiness and for contentment, until happiness eventually comes. And believe in it - that it will come over time.

Of course, you'll ask me - what happens if it doesn't come around?

My answer is possibly this - our hopes relate to what we think is possible. If the realm of our possibilities ever narrow down, due to circumstances - our hopes shall equally shrink in size.

And when this happens, you WILL settle for what you have or what you can get.

The difference is, perhaps, it won't FEEL like settling anymore - because all hope has died within you and you've altered your perspective of reality, to suit the conditions of your life. Because you've tried your best and you're tired and exhausted of being unhappy. Time, trials and tribulations have a way of shaping one's perspectives.

Human beings have an amazing ability to change and adapt. For as long as you don't give up on life and you're willing to adapt over time - it will not give up on you.

Eventually, you will be happy - because even the eventual decision to adjust your expectations to your reality, is a conscious choice.

But perhaps, the determined ones in life, are those that will take a longer time to reach that natural state - whether they fail or succeed in what they're pursuing. Sometimes, the journey is meant to prepare you to receive what you truly deserve - be it both good or bad.