Scared and Damaged
There was an interesting phrase in tonight's episode of Gray's Anatomy, when describing someone who had gone through multiple number of traumatizing emotional experiences - "scared and damaged".
I felt that the phrase resonated with me - it could partly describe what I am, right now. And I remember thinking that the phrase could apply to a whole bunch of people that I know, as well.
People who have been through many, many challenges and disappointments in their lives.
People who are short on love and elders who acted like mature adults, when they were growing up - and who have ceased to believe in the sincerity of love - preferring the chilling comfort of pragmatic choices and the safety of material wealth.
People who have lost control of where they are emotionallly (or were) and are living lives of quiet desperation, silently coping - unknown to the outside world.
People who hang on to the futile hopes that come attached to the lies that they want to hear, from the person, that will never have the courage to be theirs.
People who choose to avoid the problems in their miserable marriages, rather than confront it - keeping up pretenses when the cracks in the relationship, were obvious to the world at large.
And many, many other people - they're all in one way or another - "scared and damaged".
There's no one right way of dealing with the problem of being "scared and damaged". We are all a product of our life experiences and environment.
But whatever the choices we make - no matter how scared and damaged we think we are - there's always some space to appreciate ourselves and to let others love us.
By all means, be a little cautious - you don't want to hurt anyone in the process - but don't stop yourself from living - and feeling.
Because you have to believe that fear of the past can be overcome and that all things heal with time, good sense, courage, forgiveness - and hope.
Scared and damaged - it doesn't have to be a permanent condition. It's understandable for you to be afraid - but it's not fine to run away, from your problems.
In the game that is life - you don't get the option of playing a permanent victim. No matter how scared and damaged you are - you're expected to bounce back strongly, one day.
You owe it to yourself, to do so.
I felt that the phrase resonated with me - it could partly describe what I am, right now. And I remember thinking that the phrase could apply to a whole bunch of people that I know, as well.
People who have been through many, many challenges and disappointments in their lives.
People who are short on love and elders who acted like mature adults, when they were growing up - and who have ceased to believe in the sincerity of love - preferring the chilling comfort of pragmatic choices and the safety of material wealth.
People who have lost control of where they are emotionallly (or were) and are living lives of quiet desperation, silently coping - unknown to the outside world.
People who hang on to the futile hopes that come attached to the lies that they want to hear, from the person, that will never have the courage to be theirs.
People who choose to avoid the problems in their miserable marriages, rather than confront it - keeping up pretenses when the cracks in the relationship, were obvious to the world at large.
And many, many other people - they're all in one way or another - "scared and damaged".
There's no one right way of dealing with the problem of being "scared and damaged". We are all a product of our life experiences and environment.
But whatever the choices we make - no matter how scared and damaged we think we are - there's always some space to appreciate ourselves and to let others love us.
By all means, be a little cautious - you don't want to hurt anyone in the process - but don't stop yourself from living - and feeling.
Because you have to believe that fear of the past can be overcome and that all things heal with time, good sense, courage, forgiveness - and hope.
Scared and damaged - it doesn't have to be a permanent condition. It's understandable for you to be afraid - but it's not fine to run away, from your problems.
In the game that is life - you don't get the option of playing a permanent victim. No matter how scared and damaged you are - you're expected to bounce back strongly, one day.
You owe it to yourself, to do so.
posted by Stingrayz | 7:29 AM
14 Comments:
Stingray, thank you so much for this entry.
From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.
Honeytar:
You're welcome, dear. :)
Am glad that it means so much to you and is hopefully, of some help to you.
I'm just writing it, the way I feel it.
Scared and damaged. How apt. And just as well this time around, I don't have the luxury of running away and start anew. Guess there comes a point in life where I need to clean everything that crumbles dwn, however long it takes, prior to attempting to build another foundation.
Suara:
I think that's a good choice. And at least, you came to that conclusion much faster than I ever did. :)
Coming to the conclusion is quite easy. Starting to do it is another matter altogether. Requires loads of guts, which I'm still in the process of finding out whether I have it in me or I have to find it somewhere outside. A vicious cycle ;)
yeah..thank you so much for this entry...anyway, i love all ur entries coz they are like resonans to what I'm feeling and going thru as well...
yeah like what suara mentioned, coming to conclusion is quite easy..understanding the whole big picture can be easy too but really grabbing the whole thing to mind and heart,& to move on, I think that's the hardest..really coming to terms of what really happened & to take it with with pride, I'm struggling to do that.
I do desperately want to hear all the correct words but it's gonna be just lies, yeah I know that..
People do choose to take on the easy way out rather than face the ugly situation & try to work things out...immaturity or being selfish....
I do hope I'll be strong enuff soon..very soon...
Suara:
There's a lot of quiet wisdom in a healthy dose of self-doubt, dear. And I think you've come very, very far in that sense. :)
lonelylonelywoman:
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, dear - have read your latest heart-wrenching entry. :(
I wish for you all the strength and patience in the world.
I've been through some of the lies that you've gone through - it's amazing what people try to get away with, when they think you don't know.
And yes - I've been in those shoes where I quietly know - and have kept entirely silent, through the lies.
I remember how much it hurts, to do that,....
Sometimes, people you love will never treat with you with the degree of respect that you deserve.
And it's up to you to respect yourself more, than what they choose to short-change you with.
Have patience - the time will come when you know that enough is enough - and that you're worth far more, than how some of your loved ones choose to treat you.
And if they don't know the value of what they have - they deserve to lose you.
And the day that you know better - you'll know that you're better off without them, too.
I doubt if there's anybody who's not scared and damaged... it all started when we were young and these are the things that will either make us a better person or make us worse.
It's the choices we make to either move on or fester in bitterness. I think we should remember the pain. We just shouldn't allow it to rule our lives.
Be happy!
Intan:
I beg to differ, dear - I've met loads of people who have been blessed all throughout their lives - they're nowhere near, scared and damaged.
There are many people who have cruised through life, without any major trauma - deaths, terminal diseases or major injuries, family split-ups, divorces, raped or molested, bad childhood, betrayals, affairs, being cheated in business, bankruptcy, etc.
But you are right - it's how you deal with it - I agree.
But I also think that your ability to cope has a ceiling to it.
If you've had too much of it - even if it doesn't break you - it will bend you - in relative degrees, depending on how strong you are. That's inevitable.
We shouldn't allow it to rule our lives - but we cannot discount the shape and impact it has made on us and our outlook.
Who doesn't want to be happy? But not all our lives are the same - we simply have to make the best of the lot that has been alloted to us.
hey there, I love Grey's Anatomy!!but i think the phrase u r referring to should be Scarry & Damaged :)
Anonymous:
Alamak! Really, ah? Yikes, thanks for the correction.
What the hell - all emotionally scared people are scary to a certain extent, right? ;D
And yes, it's good to have a fellow Grey's Anatomy fan, commenting on here. Welcome to my blog! :)
hey there..
didnt expect 4 u to post somethin on greys here but i have 2 say i agree wif u this..i tink at some point we all have been through this 'scary & damaged' phase..
there was also another phase that was mentioned & i believed it was 'dark & twisty'?usually its more relevant for those who're afraid to take chances in their life as the safe path is always the more viable option..
M a big greys anatomy fan too btw.. totally love the show :)
Thanks for the nice reply in the previous entry..sorry i have been a bit late in trying 2 catch up with the latest..but its always a pleasure 2 read anything that u post here..
Aries213:
Thanks, dear. :) Always glad to have you at the blog.
A few days ago, a few of my friends and I discussed who life had been had we taken the safe option in our lives - in our jobs, in our choices of lovers, in our dreams and aspirations for Malaysia and in walking that talk.
And if we had not known any better in our lives, maybe it would have been a better option. At least, simpler - if not easier.
It's difficult to take the path less taken - some things which come easy to others - like marriage and kids - don't come easy to you.
But knowing what we know now - would we trade for another path, if we could redo it?
The answer is - NEVER. :)
But as in all things, it takes courage to be different and not mainstream.
In a world of normative greys, being shocking red always attracts too much attention - even if all you're doing is just trying to live your life.
Nowadays, it even takes courage to even stand by your principles.
Moral, courage and ethical standards have declined so badly in this country - that even to be a good man and to do the right thing, looks exceptional, to the masses.
But does it still feel good to be different - even with the occasionally misunderstood and isolated feeling?
Absolutely. :)
Stingrayz,
I think i know where ur getting at with this.I believed that at one point in time we wished we could just turn back the clock & chose the alternative path knowing what we know.But just like you, when i looked back at what i've been through,with all the heartaches and disappointments included,i wouldn't trade it for the world.
Its because of this path that ive chosen that i get to meet some of the most amazing people and have the best memories with,both good and bad, but thats what makes life interesting and worth living for.Even though we may not knew it at that time.
I do agree that being different and staying true to ur principles in this day and age is not easy and very rare.But i think that as long as ur surrounded by people who can accept you for who u are, there's definitely and absolutely no reason for you to change what made YOu you,know what i mean?
I'm sure there's silver lining somewhere out there in store for us, we just have to keep on having faith in ourselves.So just keep up with the good work! :)
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