Wishes for 2006

I don't believe in making wishes. Not even before blowing candles, on birthday cakes or for the case of throwing coins in a fountain. Perhaps, it's a case of "tua sebelum waktunya".

But if I did believe in making wishes for the new year, I would only wish for 5 things:-

1) To be happier and more at peace with myself, what I have and God, regardless of whether I find what I'm looking for, in love or in life;

2) To have a more successful year in business, full of opportunities for further personal growth and enrichment;

3) To lead a positive, well-balanced and a good healthy lifestyle. To live and appreciate each moment as one that has passed, that I will never regain;

4) For more memorable moments with loved ones, family, good friends and filled with deeply meaningful relationships, with lesser complications and fewer mistakes; and

5) To regain the ability (and more importantly, the desire) to make a difference out there, for other Malaysians. I need to believe again - something inside is slowly dying and it needs reigniting.


That's all I wish for, in 2006. That is, if I actually believed in making wishes.

Ha!

Another Great Loss

Only the good die young, they say.

When Kitty first called me to tell me about Boon's death - I couldn't believe my ears. I went numb, for a while. And to think that 2 hours before that, I had just returned from Tan Sri Noordin Sopiee's funeral.

Boon had passed away of a freak accident and his wife had been admitted to the Intensive Care Unit, for surgery. Dr. Liew Boon Horng was the chief of Ethos Consulting, one of the up-and-coming strategic consultancy firms, in the country. Ethos Consulting also happens to be ZR's workplace.

If I'm not wrong, Boon was also one of the handful of Malaysians who had ever been attached to McKinsey and Co., the leading global strategic consultancy firm, at one time.

I've only met Boon 3 times in my life (of which twice were over long dinner debates), but sufficient to say, he created a deep impression on me, with his views. I'm proud to have known him, for he was an outstanding anak Malaysia and a true high achiever.

Your passing is a great loss to all of us, Boon and you will be missed, by many. Your great example and the lessons we have learnt from you, shall remain with us, as your legacy.

May God bless your soul, my friend.

A Great Malaysian Has Passed Away

Had an SMS informing me that Tan Sri Noordin Sopiee, former chief of prominent think-tank Institute of Strategic and International Studies (ISIS) and one of the main policy advisors during the Mahathir administration, has passed away this afternoon.

A wave of sadness hit over me. Another great Malaysian with a first-class mind and diplomacy, has passed on. A man that has contributed much to Malaysia's development and was believed to have been the architect of Vision 2020. A man who is frank with his opinions, behind closed doors and would not hesitate in telling the young ones, the truth about their country - even when it hurts.

A group of young leaders under the International Malaysian Forum (IMF) owe much of their current prominence, to the attention and launchpad given to them by the late Tan Sri Noordin.

Some of them have gone on to become powerful and prominent individuals in this country - one in UMNO Youth, two in the Prime Minister's Office (with another being married to one of them), one in the Deputy Prime Minister's Office and the others are doing well, be it locally or overseas.

The last time I spoke to Tan Sri Noordin was 2 years ago, in a Budget Dialogue organized by the Ministry of Finance - which gave birth to The Program.

I still remember his words to me on that day, after my presentation - "I'm glad to see that someone actually came prepared for the Budget Dialogue!"

I remember laughing at that comment and thanking him - the Budget Dialogue under the Mahathir administration was always full of sycophants who used up the precious time, telling Dr. M how great he is. What a bloody waste of taxpayer's money!

Tan Sri Noordin, your contributions, visible and invisible, have laid the track for what's coming next for Malaysia and the next generation. Your presence, your wisdom and your guidance, will be missed.

May God bless your soul eternally, Tan Sri. Al-Fatihah.

The Right Map

It feels strange being at this keyboard, blogging again. My fingers feel alien to this keyboard, expressing something that is not work-related.

Much has happened since my last entry. Work is still quite good but my personal life has been, as usual, an expanding graveyard.

But the good thing is - it's forced me to do some hard thinking. About where I am and where I'm going. And why things have constantly gone wrong in the non-work related areas of my life. About the way I've looked at some of these things and how it's forcing me into repeated mistakes.

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Albert Einstein once said: "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at, when we created them".


In the last few days or so, in my deep soul-searching, I've come to realize a few things. That I've spent a large part of my life modifying and refining my behaviour and attitude towards the circumstances (and people) in my personal life.

I dive into something, I stumble, I take a lesson out of it and I move on. And due to my resilient nature, I've become a professional stumbler, you could say. It hurts to fall, but each time, I tell myself that the lessons are well worth learning. So that I could make a better choice or decision, the next time round.

And in some circles, like my family and love life, I've been going around in circles. It's like I've been facing the same disease, but with many variants and mutations of that same disease. Different circumstances, different agents or people, but same conclusions. What's worse is that I seem to attract this disease.

In school, one of the approaches in being scientific about anything, to recognize consistent cause and effect, is to recognize the common factor in different circumstances.

And I've discovered that the only common factor in all these relationship disasters is ME.

All the girls (or family members) have either been great, complicated, emotionally messed-up, schizophrenic or neurotic. And they come in different shapes and sizes - all with their own baggage. But yes, the only true common factor is ME.

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It was on this line of thought, that I had pursued my quest for an answer. What IS IT about me, that's driving me into all these relationship disasters? Even though I've done my best and have given it my all? Why was I still failing?

I made up a list and came up with a few possible answers:

1) Craving for a family - I've wanted to have a proper non-dysfunctional family, ever since Ayah passed away, when I was 10. And the craving has become more insistent now after 22 years - it has lost the patience to wait and it has become irrepressible;


2) Fear of dying alone - If there is one thing that would negate and frustrate all my successes and achievements in other areas of my life - it would be the fact that despite all these achievements, I would still die alone, without a life partner or an offspring. That would render most things that I have, can (and will) achieve meaningless;


3) "Beat The Clock" mentality - That number 35 is subconsciously carved out in my mind, as the age that I should not exceed for marriage, lest I risk the possibility of being deprived of my enjoyment of the simple things, later on in life - like retirement, seeing my children graduate or get married, spending time with the grandchildren, etc.

The thing is: I lost one parent when he was 51 years of age and the other, when she was 65 years of age. My own estimate is that, I'd be lucky to exceed the life expectancy of both of them. And if I exceed 35, I will have very little time, to see my children bloom into independent and responsible adults and become parents themselves; and


4) I'm a romantic fool - I'm not a pragmatist when it comes to marriage. I'm a romantic fool and I need to be in love and besotted, with the person I'm with. And I need someone who feels the same way and will strive to keep the flame going, all throughout our lives.

I need to feel respect for her strength and her softness and admire her, for her principles and maturity. I need someone who will give me her 100% effort, in return for my 100% effort.

I'm willing to give it my all and I need someone who can give it her all. Today, and everyday after that.


5) That if I can understand their pain, I can help them solve it (e.g. "saviour complex") - THIS is complete nonsense. No, just because you understand the disease (their problems), doesn't mean you can cure it. Or help her cure it. The patient must want to recover. And each patient has a different capacity and resolve to "fight the disease".

And some patients don't want to recover, regardless of the cost of the disease. Even if it's terminal.


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Once I've identified my fears, it has now become an exercise in changing my paradigms on things. Because it is the above paradigms that have influenced my actions and choices.

And as long as I'm driven by the above fears, I'm not going to get anywhere. There will be many repeated mistakes, all in different forms and guises. And all born and precipitated from the same reservoir of fears.

Every morning in the last 2 weeks, I've told myself these same things every morning when I wake up:

That in the event that my personal life does not get any better than this and if I'm destined never to have a family of my own - that I will be fine. That I will live in the company of good friends and if I die, I will be mourned and missed by good friends. And my "offsprings" will perhaps, be younger people who have learnt from me and have integrated the lessons into their own lives and families.

That I should stop chasing a subconscious time target for marriage and just let things flow to me. And to stop rushing into things, because it's leading me to a multiple number of mistaken choices. Yes, it will be more difficult if I exceed 35 years of age, but I'm resourceful and I'll just have to make the best of what little time I have with my family, if I only have a family in my 40's.

That I should stop thinking of settling for something less, because I'm afraid of ending up alone. Memang jodoh di tangan Tuhan, tapi pilihan di tangan kita. I'm not a cop-out by nature and from past experience, I know that I could never settle for less, in this area of my life, regardless of the absurd little corner, I may be driving myself into. And I should stop fooling myself about that.

That I should believe that all "victims of circumstances" in life can (or should) be helped. Some "victims" are victimisers themselves, whether they realize it or not. I've been a "victim of circumstances" in life too and I've not allowed it to wreck me and the choices I make, in life.

I shouldn't be looking to "create" survivors to love - I should just love those who have survived and are well-adjusted, despite surrounding adversities. And I should stop "compensating" for those who lack respect for me, or for themselves.


I repeat these things to myself every morning, now. And I believe one day, I will wake up and these new paradigms will be so ingrained in me, that I won't have to remind myself anymore.

Because the real lesson from my past disasters is that - having the wrong paradigms driving your life, could cause the best of your efforts to fail.

As Stephen Covey has pointed out in the past - there is no point in driving better, faster or having better attitude to a destination, if you're following the wrong map.

Wherever it leads me to after this, I don't plan to be clueless again, on where I am. Going onwards, everything shall be done with my eyes wide open and without fear of the future. Whatever comes, I will have to adapt.

And making the best of what I have, as if this is as good, as it's ever going to get.

There's no point waiting for tomorrow to happen - it might already be here.

Another Little Step Forward

Had a good meeting with The Chairman of The Contender at our office, recently.

Frankie and I were flattered that The Chairman had asked to meet us, to view our technology. They are big players and even though they're being severely underestimated, I had a feeling that The Contender had not even started pulling its punches yet.

But they will, early next year. And they're looking at our technology and product to be a part of their offering.

The Chairman had a quiet and an unassuming personality. None of the regal and distinguished air that we usually get, from Chairmen and CEO's of large companies. He was dressed in a jacket with zippers and came to our office, holding a book. Too simple, for someone who was known to be a close friend of the Prime Minister and his son.

The Chairman's a typical engineer. Functional, unpretentious with no ostentatious toys. I could hear his brain ticking behind that quiet, low-key facade. He was analyzing us, sizing us up, probably assessing how far we could be trusted or stretched in a negotiation. And whether we were open to working with them or whether we were siding with The Incumbent.

It didn't matter to Frankie and me. Let him size us up. We have nothing to hide. Our interest is purely business - we had no interest in taking sides between The Contender and The Incumbent. We'd prefer to sell our products to both sides and level the playing ground for everyone - we could sell more of our products that way.

It was so much easier getting a buy-in from The Chairman, though. He was technically proficient and had an appreciation for technology and neat gadgets. We didn't have to do much selling on the business case - he was fascinated by the technology.

And I guess at the back of his mind, he knew that he couldn't afford us doing an exclusive with The Incumbent. It would wipe The Contender out. It was better for him to get a foot in with us now, even if on a non-exclusive basis.

The meeting lasted 2 hours. We listened to his plans for The Contender and attentively took down notes, as this would be important to our own future strategic planning. The Chairman was robust on the prospects of The Contender, although I had nagging doubts about whether his implementation was just as robust.

But yes, at the end of it, he was keen to collaborate. To bundle our products in with their own and to push it all out to their customers. And perhaps, to be the first partner in the market to do so, too.

I asked him his forecast for his first year sales. "About 300,000 customers", he said. I thought he was a tad optimistic, seeing the strength of The Incumbent, but even if he was 50% off, that's still very good volume for us.

It would be our estimated sales for the first 2 years, if we sold to The Incumbent's customers on our own.

But this was a "lock-in" arrangement - it was like a Government concession. I feigned nonchalance and raised an ironic eyebrow. Although inside, I was jumping in joy.

We shook hands and agreed to follow-up on the collaboration. Frankie couldn't stop smiling. I maintained my cool, not wanting to start the jig, until The Chairman, was out of sight.

Next week, we start our R&D adaptation to make our product compatible with The Contender's products. By clinching this deal, I should be able to raise the remaining 40% of the funds I needed to start to kickstart the manufacturing and commercialization of our product. Now, the (bloody-risk-averse) investors would be keen to jump in!

I told The Tycoon about it. He said he was proud of me and got quite excited about prospects of working together with us, to break into the Middle East market. I grinned in anticipation. It was strange talking to this billionaire on the phone. But somehow, I think I've just won myself a mentor.

I expressed my thanks to him, for his support in our venture. Without his half of the investment in via Blue Eyed Boy's company, we may still not see the light of day.

The path is clearing up. I can see the peak coming closer and for our dreams to be realized. I remind myself to not celebrate yet and to pay close attention to the details - because that's where the devil is, usually. Keep focused on the business and the delivery of value and quality to the customers - everything else is just a distraction.

But yes, today is filled with a sense of possibilities. Today, Malaysia and perhaps, tomorrow, Asia.

May God light the steps of Providence for me.

The New Rules

Prof. Dzulfkili Abdul Razak, the Vice Chancellor of Universiti Sains Malaysia, (which is undoubtedly, the top university for successful R&D commercialization) wrote an interesting article in the recent week's New Sunday Times.

The article was generally on the brain drain suffered by Malaysia (and some other developing countries) due to the active recruitment of our top brains, in the developed world.

For me, it was refreshing to see someone in Prof. Dzul's age group understanding the current phenomenon and the troubling consequences for Malaysia, if we are slow to react and adapt. Most times, our policymakers and Ministers act as if family roots and patriotism, are enough to retain our top talent in Malaysia.

The harsh reality is that it's NOT enough.

In one part, Prof. Dzul aptly wrote: "Once a person is made to realize his potential - which is what education is all about - the call is entirely his, in this borderless world".

These are the new harsh rules of globalization. Nowhere will the impact be felt more severely, than in the fight for global human capital. The best people that all countries have to offer. The fact is, the country that holds the best brains, shall rule the world.

And it makes economic sense, too. Whatever business that you're in, it only makes sense to have a presence in a larger market and sometimes, where the market is sophisticated enough to provide the volume of demand required. A small slice of a huge market is sometimes better, than a large slice of a small market. It holds better potential for growth, too.

And larger, more sophisticated markets have always attracted the best brains. The Americans, the Brits, the Australians, the Germans, the French and many other countries, have greatly benefited from human capital, which were nurtured by developing countries. These countries realize that economic leadership is far more important, than narrow national considerations on immigration.

And this is the stumbling block facing many developing countries, especially Malaysia.

Governed by an age-group and leaders that still fiercely protects and balances the narrow interests of local racial politics and vested interests, we're facing the new world with a mindset that is ill-equipped, to ensure the country's long-term economic survival.

What are the new rules, in relation to Malaysia?

First, being Malaysian cannot be about being Malay, Chinese and Indian, anymore. Immigration policies should be flexible enough to make Malaysians out of the top brains from other developing (or even developed) countries. We need to hijack the top talent from other countries, in the same way that other countries are doing it to us;


Secondly, adopt better quality of life measures. The top brains in the world need a country that is peaceful, where trade, innovation and competition are thriving, where corruption is low, where the core priority areas and market are relatively big and sophisticated.

A country where the press is (relatively) free and people are allowed to think, vocalize and act on issues. Where the appreciation of arts and culture are diverse and the press does not lobotomize its citizens everyday. Where human rights prevail and where people of international origins are treated with respect, not contempt, prejudice, fear or suspicion.

They are here to help enrich our country and to potentially, make it their home – that is the correct perspective;


Thirdly, to make politics less pervasive in Malaysia. Competition is the order of the day. Dismantle the corporate equity targets for the NEP – it’s meaningless in a globalized world – there’s nothing to carve between the races, if the cake keeps getting smaller, because we’re not competitive globally.

Allow economic “crutches” only for the poor and the helpless – get the middle-class (especially the Malays) to stand up on their own two feet. It’s about time the NEP measures are means-tested, to stop those who are not poor or helpless from robbing the more deserving recipients; and


Fourthly, the Malaysian of today must be REGIONAL Malaysian, at the very least, if not global in mindset. If he’s not aiming to capitalize on and penetrate the economic markets of others, he’s still got yesterday’s blinkers on. If he’s not aware of his Asian neighbours and is insular, he’s got blinkers on. We can’t teach the next generation to survive in tomorrow’s world, if we’ve got blinkers on.

There are things here, which we can do ourselves. There are things which only the Government and our leaders can do. And whether they do it within the next 5 years or so, will determine our long-term survival.

Because guess what? Our ASEAN neighbours understand this global game and they’re playing by the new rules. We better follow, if we don’t intend to be an African country, one day.

Happy

I feel really happy today.

The 2nd meeting with The Tycoon happened today and he brought with him The Blue Eyed Boy, who is now heading a Mesdaq-listed company. Blue Eyed Boy is a talented man - many of the big multinationals around the world depend on him to do their manufacturing in China and other parts of the world. His standards of quality control were legendary.

At the end of the meeting, we had in principle, clinched a deal for Blue Eyed Boy's company to handle the entire manufacturing production of the first batch for my product. In value, that amounts to 60% of my funding requirement.

With The Tycoon's strong persuasion - we had achieved more than half the cake, necessary for us to push out our product. He was pretty strategic about the whole deal - there was something in it for everyone - my company, the Blue Eyed Boy, for him and a strong media player in the market. And the sum of the whole is far bigger than its parts.

And he did this without him forking out a single cent. This is why rich people remain rich. They're very careful with their money.

He could have given me the remaining 40% of my funding requirement. But he said to me - "I've helped you raise more than half the cake, because I believe in what you guys are doing. Now, prove to me that you're worth the time and raise the remaining 40% on your own".

It was a challenge thrown to us. He's a billionaire - I mean, he could just give us the remaining monies, but he knew that would just be spoiling us. This was an experience that we must go through, because it will serve to make us stronger for the future.

But at least now, we can leverage on something. 60% of the take-off is done. I'm thankful for that. And very excited.

I know I'm close to clinching this, God. I can feel it. Just give me a little bit more strength and luck.

Just a little bit more.

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There's another reason why I'm happy. And believe it or not, this reason exceeds the RM1.2 million in value that I've raised today.

I have a new girlfriend. And she's been keeping me really happy, lately. (And no, there's no 3rd party involved this time, thankfully - she's just all mine. :))

She's bright, direct, funny, thoughtful and affectionate. And she's not problematic and there's nothing that I need to save her from, yet I'm still very attracted to her.

Damn good sign. And it's bloody well about time, for me to turn normal. :)

Nasi beriyani treat at Syed's to the FIRST person who could guess who The Lovely Girl is.

(***This offer is not open to Xena, ZR and Sharizal, who may already know who she is).


CLUE: She's on this blog. :)

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Work is good. Life is good. Love life is good. For once, all three are going well, simultaneously. And that has not happened in a long while. It's a pleasant note to end the year on.

Thank you, God. I'm happy. :)